help and advice please

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
help and advice please
3
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 2:03pm
okay where to start? i have been seeing this guy - not dating, and we had both discussed that we could probably never be boyfriend/girlfriend - but we enjoy each others company. On fri nite he got very drunk and i looked after him while he threw up - then when he was feeling better we crashed out in a bed with another girl. He then said he was feeling like he wanted to misbehave with this other girl - and it would be cool if i joined in, but if i didn't want to I should leave - so I left. I am so confused - shhould i hate him for this, should i not talk to him again - i am repulsed by his behaviour and i have never been treated this way so i don't know how to react - help please?!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 2:38pm
You are allowed to feel whatever you want but look at this objectively. He has told you he doesn't want to be your boyfriend yet would like to have sex with you. Was that part of the agreement? He has also shown behavior that disgusts you. Does this sound like 'friend' behavior?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 1:43pm
If his behavior bothers you then you shouldn't be friends with him..... he's going to continue with this behavior, his choices, his actions and you will have to decide what you are getting out of the relationship.


Carrie

Avatar for autumnleaves22
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 2:07pm
Most men, if we as women choose to listen, actually say exactly what they mean, but we many times think they are kidding. He has said already that he only wants to be friends. Then being drunk - he wants sex from you and another girl? I can understand you feeling as you did.

You said, "...i am repulsed by his behaviour and i have never been treated this way so i don't know how to react..." I think you *do* know how to react - you left! You are repulsed by what he did - what more is there to say? Most guys do not treat women like this. I think he thought he would take advantage of your caring about him to use it to have his fun. I am proud of you that you didn't let him use you!

You deserve someone who will care about you for who you are and treat you respectfully - and he doesn't sound like the guy - so why torture yourself hanging out with him hoping one day he will change his mind and want to be with you? Maybe you aren't thinking this and I am way off base, but I kind of got that feeling from your post.

You might want to move on and find a new person to hang out with. It might feel weird at first without him, but you will eventually be happier and feel good about yourself and your decision. Don't lower your morals or values to please a guy - stay true to yourself and the lovely person you are!

Sherri