In Love w/a married man....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
In Love w/a married man....
4
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 2:43pm
In January of this year, I starting what I thought was "harmless flirting" with my boss. I knew he was married, and I just didn't think it would go anywhere. You see, he is 11 years younger than me.

In February, we took it to the next level. I was married at the time as well. I loved my husband, but at the time felt like I was no longer "in love" with him, or else why would I be feeling this way towards my boss? In fairness...I left my husband. He deserves much better than I was giving him. He didn't understand and is now very bitter towards me. We lost everything through this, including our home.

My boss, never did leave his wife. However, supposedly in September of this year, SHE filed for a divorce. We have still been seeing each other...and I am getting tired of being the "secret". I don't understand, if she filed for a divorce, why does he care if we are seen together? He still won't be seen in public with me, he won't spend the night at my house, and to me...it seems like he protects his wife, at the cost of my feelings. Yet all he ever does is complain about how mean she is to him.

I am thinking of ending it....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 4:42pm
I think most people here will encourage you to leave. If you want to visit another board that is much more accepting of marital affairs there is one here. All of the people are in the middle of affairs and getting support for it.

Check out the other relationship board. There is one called My Affair or something like that.

Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 5:07pm

Ok, you're thinking of ending it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 1:41pm
:::I don't understand, if she filed for a divorce, why does he care if we are seen together? He still won't be seen in public with me, he won't spend the night at my house, and to me...it seems like he protects his wife, at the cost of my feelings.

BECAUSE with or without her in his life he is NOT willing to make a committment to you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 2:17pm
I know how it feels to be in your situation. I also had an affair with my boss while we were both married. I got divorced, and he didn't. After my divorce, it was clear he would never leave her, and I ended it. It was hard to do, but it was something I felt I had to do for my own sanity.

Having been through the situation, part of what he is doing now, IF she has really filed for divorce, could be to protect his financial situation. If you live in a state where you can declare fault, any proof that an affair is being had or was had could cause him to lose everything. He could be trying to avoid that. Or he could really still care about her and be lying about everything to you. It's really hard to say.

I would say break it off with him for now. If you really want to keep seeing him, tell him you will be willing to date him when his divorce is final and he can really date you and not keep you a secret. If he really wants to be with you, he will agree to this. I wouldn't keep letting him see you in secret. I know how painful it can be, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.