I found numbers of other women in his

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
I found numbers of other women in his
4
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 4:58am
I was writing my boyfriend a little love note and went to put it in his wallet when I found a couple of numbers of other women. I was so livid I confronted him right away. I told him it was over that there wasn't even any need for an explanation because it was over. He pleaded I hear him out and told me that the two cards with numbers on them were from women who gave him his number at work (he is a waiter and works a 9 to 5 job as well). He told me that one of them wants to do business with the company he works for and she doesn't even live here, but she signed it "Natasha, with Love from Russia" !!!!! I was livid. The other he says is from a woman who works at a store nearby his restaurant where he was going to buy me a pair of sunglasses and she was going to give him a discount. He told me that he has never done anything with anyone since we have been dating and that I should trust him. He told me he doesn't trust ME because he has no idea what I am up to while he is at work.

I know I am going to get blasted for having believed his excuses for the phone numbers. Am I completely blindsided by this thing called love? Please help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 10:31am

First and foremost, a healthy relationship is one thats based on honesty. It sounds like neither one of you trust each other. Its a cat a nd mouse game, taking turns hurting each other.


You two either want to learn how to trust, which means none of this stuff, or you dont.If you done, then by all means, let each other move on.Its not fair to be with someone when you cant even have trust between the both of you.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 6:40pm
It's impossible to know for sure, but I'd bet he's cheating on you. People have a tendency to project their guilt onto those around them to deflect their misdeeds. For example, when my husband & I were dating, he constantly accused me of cheating on him. At that same time found phone numbers on his cell phone, letters, etc, that he refused to explain. Anyway, last week I found out that he had been cheating on me for 3 years before we got engaged. I hope your situation is different. The only way to find out is to talk to each other. If in the end you feel you can't trust him, then maybe its time to let this relationship go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 7:26pm
I think that you guys need to sit down and talk! It sounds like both of you have wavering trust for each other. I have found out that the best way to solve this is communication. It's the most important part of any relationship. When you talk to him, ask him again about the phone numbers but look in his eyes... if he looks down or his eyes randomly go to the side, he's probably lying. You need to also ask your self if you love him, truly. If you are absolutely positive you love him, then believe in him. Those numbers may be from random chicks who don't matter. You know how some women are... they like attention - maybe that's what the love from Russia was about. Either way, you need to gain each others trust completely. Without trust and communication, you will have a hard time keeping this relationship alive.

Hope this helps!

-Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 10:55pm
<>

Yes, you are. But believe me, you've got company! I'm sure many of the women reading this have been in your shoes; I certainly have.

Those excuses sound totally lame, and by accusing you of cheating he's trying to switch it around to put YOU on the defensive. That's the oldest trick in the book so please don't fall for it!

I know it's easier said than done and it's your heart that's hurting, but I really don't think this guy knows what honesty and integrity are all about. You can do much better, and time will heal your pain.