Engaged but relationship is in danger

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2003
Engaged but relationship is in danger
4
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 9:45am
I am engaged to a wonderful man, but recently we have been fighting because of my mood swings, I was gang raped by 5 men when I was 18 (now 42) and have never been able to trust or have self esteem since then. This has caused problems in all the relationships I have been in, now I have found the man of my dreams and my problems from my rape are causing him to want to run. I have vowed to turn myself around but don't know how to stop the non trusting, and mood swing problems that I have, I get angry at the least little thing, I do suffer from depression which he doesn't understand despite my trying to help him understand what I am going thru. He says he can't take my mood swings anymore and feels like he doesnt' want to come home anymore for fear of how I will be acting when he gets home. Please help me. I am desparate and need help A.S.A.P. I don't want to lose him , he is the love of my life and a wonderful man. HELP!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 11:15am
'I have vowed to turn myself around but don't know how to stop the non trusting,'

Did you ever go to therapy to deal with this? SOmetimes we can't turn ourselves around without the help of a third party.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 11:56am

When an individual suffers

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 6:02pm
Thank You DRshoshanna for your advise, I have seen a therepist in the past for about a yr and have been on many medications for depression, I am on ST Johns Wort right now as I don't have any insurance or a job and this is the only way that I know that I can help with my moods. I know that I do need to see a therepist again, I have also been to rape support groups before but left because I felt that I wasn't where they were, that I had dealt with my rape and was ok, that was several years ago though. As for my fiance, he doesn't understand what depression is and as much as I have tried to explain it to him or show him books about it, he still doesn't understand, How do I help him understand that I am not doing this because I like to or because I want to, but that right now I have little control over my moods. I am trying to also do alot of writing down of my feelings and have a journal online that I make myself go to every night and write down my feelings. I am also doing a lot of reading on rape survivors and how they dealt with it. I am doing whatever I can within my means to get myself back, but I just don't know how to make him understand that I can't just "snap out of it" .. thanks for the advise and I will continue to do whatever I can. ~ Me ~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 6:07pm
thanks ciao_gina for replying, yes I have sough help with a therepist in the past, before I met my fiance, I was in therepy for about a year and thought I had a handle on it, but things just keep happening and it brings it all back, I am trying to do it on my own now as I don't have any insurance or a job at this moment. I keep getting laid off and one company I worked for just closed the doors and moved to austrailia, anyways, I am doing all I can, I am on St Johns Wort and writing in a journal each day but I need help to be strong and to get back my self esteem and trust. I know this will only happen with a therepist, but for now this is all I have.