husband cheated while drunk
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husband cheated while drunk
| Mon, 12-15-2003 - 10:30am |
My husband is a alcoholic, and cheated on me while drunk. I caught him in my own living room. We had a friend (girl) stay over because she was to drunk to drive, and for some reason I could not sleep, so i walked in to the living room & caught them fooling around. In denial I yelled out " what are you doing to her" acting like I didn't know why my husband was hovered over our friend lying on the couch with a blanket over her.
After this I went back into my bedroom furious & scared I basically didn't know what to do. At the time I was denying it. My husband came running into our bedroom eating lunchmeat, looking back now, I imagine it was to disguise the smell of his breath. Saying it's not what it looks like. I told him to leave me alone that i didn't want to talk about it. And we haven't talked about it since then. I think i immediatly went into denial. NOW i can't stop thinking about it & want to confront him , but am scared to even know. I know with a sound mind he would never cheat on me.
frustrated :(

'i walked in to the living room & caught them fooling around'
You are contradicting yourself and I wonder why considering that you are NOT in denial if you are posting that you caught him cheating. You are aware of what he did and thinking about it.
You have to confront him and figure out your next step.Do you want to be with a man who cheats right in front of you?
Has he received help for his addiction- in any programs?
If you know that with a "sound mind" he would never cheat on you, then you basically have trust and faith in the essential goodness and devotion of your husband. This is wonderful. Unfortunately, many people have lapses, even though they love their spouses greatly. Especially if one is drunk, and not of sound mind, then the possibility of this is greater. It is very unfortunate that this happened, but perhaps you can discuss it with him openly now, and also find it in your heart to forgive him. By not talking about it, it does not allow the situation to heal. Instead it grows more impacted. Don't be afraid of the pain, anger, hurt or sorrow you feel. These are just feelings and are natural. Let him know how upset and shocked and scared you were. See if you can do it without "blaming" him and making him into a monster. Let him know also that you know he wouldn't have done it if he weren't drunk. See what he says. Give him a chance to express the hurt and dismay he, too, must be feeling. Accidents happen. If you view this as an accident, you will see that it may be best to heal the wounds, patch up the broken places and go on with a marriage that sounds as though it was meaningful to you.
All best wishes.
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If "I was drunk" is the acceptable excuse for cheating...then be prepared to allow it to be the acceptable excuse for spending, or physical abuse, or verbal or emotional abuse, or anything else.
Drinking or being drunk is simply "how I got and used as an excuse in order to let me get away with what I wanted to do."
Been there, done that. I was him.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
i am not belittling what he did - but I think your real ISSUE here is his addiction and not this cheating. i am sure that there are worse things that he has done, and the problem is that living with an addict is a major problem - the lies, the manipulation, the lack of respect ----- this is not a healthy place for you to be.
you do need to talk with him - but you need to talk about where he is going from here - to AA or out the door? and what about you - have you been to al-anon?