B/f spends too much time w/ friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
B/f spends too much time w/ friend
3
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 2:32pm
I have a dilemma. I don't have a problem with my boyfriend's best (guy) friend as a person, it's just that he and my boyfriend spend way too much time together. I have not doubt that they're both extremely HETERO, so no suspicion there. But, they're almost a package deal. They work together, they go to the gym together everyday, go out to eat every night. When they're not together, they're on the phone with each other. I'm always invited to go along with them, but it's very difficult to get time with my boyfriend ALONE. Whenever I call my boyfriend to make plans to go out, he has to check with his best friend first. I have tried to communicate to him that I would like more time with him alone and I should be his top priority. He says that all his past girlfriends have had the same complaint and so have his best friend's girlfriends. He doesn't see anything wrong with the time they spend together. We have a wonderful relationship otherwise. I have met and love his family, he definitely wants a future with me. He recently got a bigger apartment for when I move to where he lives. I love my man dearly and this is the only complaint that I have with him. Can you help?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 3:35am
if your man says he wants a future with you than he ought to act more serious about it and where you stand in the relationship. Friends will always be there but if he really loves you, than you should be the one he pays attention to most. If you think that you are still faced with this problem when both of you finally live together, see if he has taken your feeling into consideration. If nothing has changed, than put your foot down. You don't want to feel like your drifting away because of his friends. It ruins the spark of a relationship. Make him pay more attention to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 2:32pm
My father was a role model for me. He put his wife and family ahead of everything he did and work hard all of his life to make us happy. He put my mother at the center of his life and they were very happy together for their entire lives. He used to tell me that long after we move out that he is going to have to live the rest of his life with my mother and he wants her to be happy. I think that this is the way it's supposed to be. You should be at the center of your BF life.

Sit him down and let him know, in no uncertain terms, that you need to be at the center of his life, not his best friend as it is you he has to live with for the rest of his life. Make sure he understand you clearly. If he is half the man you say he is he will see it your way.

Best wished, T

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 4:03pm

Well, it sounds like you BF might be one of those people who cant seem to grow up and realize that what hes doing is hurting your relationship. If you have tried to talk to him, make plans for solo time (and worse yet, he cancels to be with his best freind), or