How to decide when to call it quits?
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How to decide when to call it quits?
| Mon, 12-15-2003 - 6:40pm |
Can't decide if this relationship is over. It's hard when my children ask where he is and that they "miss him" It's about the only thing that is keeping me in this relationship. That and the fact that I love his family. His sisters and I are real close and his mother and father mean alot to me too. We just argue too much and become very defensive. There is alot of resentment in our relationship, mainly about money. I can't seem to get past the fact that he owes me money that I loaned him. He doesn't seem to care that I have a hard time with keeping up with my bills. It has been about 6 months since I loaned him this, and yes, I seem to be stuck on this issue. He doesn't offer any money to repay it. When I asked for money to help out this month. He said he didn't have it and would pay me when he had it. I got upset and said that he didn't have respect enough for our relationship or me to pay me back. What do I do? forget about this issue and move on or call it quits. It's not just this issue that has me concerned. He smokes, because I don't allow smoking in the house due to an asthmatic child, he says he doesn't like to come over here much because he can't smoke in the house. Although, the last few times we have watched movies at my house, he doesn't smoke that much and goes outside to do it. He has soo much good in him. He calls me to tell me to have a good day at work. He is good with my little girls, meaning he hugs them, reads to them, comes to their events at school. I just can't seem to get past the hurtful things we have said to one another and this money thing. Can you offer me any advice?

I need advice on how to move on either with him or without him. We had another big argument last weekend. We went out to the bar, had a good time with each other, then I drank too much, he drank too much. My insecurities got the best of me and I made a big issue out of his new job. He is going to bartend part-time (not what he needs to be doing), but his female best friend also bartends there and she said she would help him close the bar a few nights so he can learn how. I immediately became jealous and controlling. I told him I didn't like it, but didn't want him to quit just for that reason. We ended up leaving together, both very upset with the other, I took him home and told him that this was "IT" I had had enough. He took his apartment keys and said to leave him alone. Only took me two days this time to call him and wish him good luck at his first day at his new job. He said he was tired of being used as a batting board and that I always want it to end and then call him a few days after that and want him back. And I do do that. He is right. I don't know why, because a couple of days missing him and I want back what we had, the good times. We used to tell each other everything and talked all the time. He told me he would rather be alone than to argue all the time and just wanted a break. I am hurt, crying, I miss him sooo much. He is good to my children and me when we are not arguing and not drinking. Just history: He is a recovering alcoholic, although, not recovering anymore, because he thinks he can control it himself. He went from drinking almost everyday 3 years ago to about twice a week now. So some improvement. Anyway, I am trying not to call him, I want him to call me this time. Then I let my mind wanter and I think "wait a minute, this is childish, why can't I just call him and say let's work on our relationship." I guess the reason I want him to call me is maybe then I know if he really wants this relationship. I don't know what to do. Yes I go to Alanon meetings, there is one this week on Friday. Am I doing the right thing by not calling or should I be doing something else. Love is so hard to find and to hold on to and in my past I have not done a very good job at keeping relationships alive. I have read tons of books on codependency and relationships. Help me go on...
I need to hear someone's nonbias answer and comments to this concern of mine. I loaned my bf of 3 years some money, approx $3000 to pay off some fines so he could get his license back and get on his feet as far as his job. He is trying to start a business as self employed carpenter. He has not paid any of this back yet. We agreed to just 100 a month. When I make a comment like I have some bills to pay and could I have just 100 to help out, he pays me with food stamps. I got a little upset about a month ago and said food stamps don't pay my bills. He then said well at least you can use these for groceries and then pay other bills. He hasn't done anything to promote his business. He has been helping out a friend of his with odd jobs right now. I know he doesn't have money rolling in and I feel like the bad person for thinking that he should be paying me. I don't know if he thinks I don't need it as much as he does. I do have a pretty good paying job, but that isn't the point. I also have 3 children to take care of. What should I do or say to him to get through to him without being selfish? Any ideas are much appreciated. Thank you.
Hi board. I posted to the breaking up is hard to do board, but haven't received any responses. I usually get good responses from this board so thought I would try it. I am having a hard time with breaking up with my bf. I am sad, lonely and feel like I have lost part of me the last week. We have been together 3 years now and if you have read any of my past posting, have had numerous problems with our relationship. He has some really good qualities, but lately I can't seem to see past the poor qualities. Last week I finally broke off the relationship and this is probably the hardest thing I have done. I truly love him but I don't think he respects me as a person because of things that have happened. The last issue was about money. I had loaned him some money to pay off fines and he was going to pay me back in small amounts each month, which was fine with me. Well a couple of months went by and I asked for some money and he paid me in food stamps. I first accepted them and then the next month came and I told him that food stamps didn't pay my bills and he got upset and said "well they are just like cash" "you just want me to come up with money that I don't have" I feel guilty for asking, but it is because of this that I don't think he truly respects me. What do you all think? I look at us 5 years from now and don't know if it would work. The other thing is he smokes cigs alot, I don't smoke at all. I have a child with asthma, when I asked my bf several months ago not to smoke in my house, he felt offended. He has made the comment lately to me that he doesn't come over to my house that often because he can't smoke in the house. I realize this is a habit, but my childs health is more important. We broke up last week and we haven't talked since. I just feel lost, he has been a good friend to me when I need someone to talk to. I am confused and don't know how to go on. Please give me advice. It's hard to hear my little girls ask where "jim" is and that they miss him. I try to take one day at a time, but I get the urge to call him and say I miss him, but I don't think it would solve things in the future. Thanks for any advice
Why not concentrate on your child and yourself and stay out of this dysfunctional relationship?
What else is going on in your life? Are you satisfied with your job, taking classes, enjoying motherhood, what about friends and family-how is your support network?