In need of Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
In need of Advice
4
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 12:48pm
I am a 29 year old wife with two children (5 and 4). I have been married 6 years. I feel like we are roommates. We rarely argue, we have no major problems, sex has become payment for housework. My children love him although I think that our marriage is one of conveinence. He tells me he loves me and so I have to assume he does but I just don't feel that real connection. The kids love him and we have a good amount of unsecured debt that also clouds my judgement on whether to stay or go. I believe that if it wasn't for the debt and the children, I would leave. What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 1:17pm
Have you told him that you want a more romantic, intimate (emotionally) marriage?

Reading material to consider:

His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr

A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman

Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix

How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together: Breakthrough Strategies to Resolve Your Conflicts and Reignite Your Love by Sue Ellen Page

The 10 Second Kiss, Ellen Kreidman

Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 2:55pm
We have had discussions before. I have told him how I feel but he seems to think that I am crazy, it's all in my head and that there is nothing wrong with our relationship. I told him it's like we are roommates. I have told him that I want more attention, romance and attention. It changes for a little while but goes right back to the same place again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 2:57pm
Then have you told him you are seriously thinking of leaving because of the issues? If he knows that maybe he'd be willing to go to counseling with you?


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 3:41pm
I have told him that I have thought about divorce although it has been over a year since then. He again, improved for a short period of time and then went right back to his old ways. I thought about counseling but don't know if he'd go.

Sometimes I feel like I have made up my mind and there isn't anything left to counsel but at the same time I feel like I am a jerk if I choose to walk away from this marriage because our children need him and we don't have any real problems. How do you explain to someone that you want to leave because there isn't any fighting and we pretty much get along? Besides, we have about a large amount of unsecured debt hanging over our heads. Leaving him would mean that we would need to split it and I don't know what kind of life I could provide for the kids while having all of that debt to handle.