Feeling Lost and Low

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
Feeling Lost and Low
2
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 9:34am
Hi All,

This is the first time I have posted anything, but I have read alot! I need some advise on how to start repairing my relationship with my husband.

We have bee together for almost 8 years, married a little over 2. We are young, I am 25 and he is 23. We were babies when we got together, he was still in high school.

Everything we have, we aquired together. We have a lovely home, two nice cars and a beautiful 20 month old son and 4 cats. We both worked hard to get to this point in life. I was employed at a company that had wonderful growth potential, and I took advantage of that. I put in 70 hours a week, worked from the bottom to the top. Then the axe fell, the company was sold, and I was laid off. The timing was right, I was pregnant with our son, got a severence package and was able to collect unemployment for a year. I stayed home for the year and raised our baby. Then because of the cost of our living expense, I went back to work.

My problem, now that I am not getting paid the "big bucks", he thinks that my job is menial and beneath him. I found a job that is flexable with our child, and it's 35 hours a week. I know it is not the same as it was, the money is not the same but all of of our bills are paid. Such is life right. Well, as I said, it seems as if what I want or need is of no importance anymore. When I talk to him, it's like wasting my breath.

All of the responsibilities of our son and home fall on me, I wake up, get him to daycare, go to work, pick him up from daycare, cook dinner, clean up, bathe the baby, put him in bed, grocery shopping, take the trash out, pay the bills, etc....I asked him time and again for help, but he says when I can get a job that supports us, he will do it all. I don't think he really gets that with out the job I have, we will sink. My small pay, which really is not that small, is what is keeping us above.

I just do not know how to communicate with him anymore.

Any suggestions???????? I really love my husband, we have been through alot together, I would hate to throw it all away over money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 11:32am
Love is too precious to throw away because of money. You must keep trying to get through to him. I don't know why he is acting this way and that may be the key. I feel for you.

If you truly love him, stick with him and exhaust all means (including counseling) before you throw it away.

T

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 12:22pm

I don't see how you are throwing it all away over money. if you are throwing anything away it is over his mistreatment of you. this is not a marriage. you are not his slave and you shouldn't be. you are working outside the house, and taking care of your son (that he helped you make!), and doing all the housework - that is not a balanced life and it is unhealthy.


he is being extremely unrealistic as well, even if you were working more hours then you would have more expenses (day care, take out food, etc), when you have a baby there are expenses, that's what babies are about.


this is not going to get better by itself, and ignoring the problem will just make you feel resentful. you need to get both of you to a therapist. if he won't go - go on your own, you could use the help.


hugs