anji78
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 12-17-2003 - 1:07pm |
I typed a long reply and lost it, so I'm going to try again, sorry if it comes out choppy this time. Does he feel the role you are fulfilling is one that is *woman's* work? Does he feel bad about himself for not being able to support the family on his income alone? I think he does - from this comment: I asked him time and again for help, but he says when I can get a job that supports us, he will do it all. I think you should stop doing it all.
Some people don't always grow together as a couple especially if the relationship began in HS. I agree with the other poster that said you have to try to communicate once again. Take him on a long walk, away from the house - use I statements, instead of sentences that begin with YOU, as that will put him on the defense. I realize that my job is not the same status as it was before was born. I feel the job suits his needs and allows me to be here with him, however I also feel I'm resented for the job change. Can we work on this, any ideas on how to improve our communication, working together, fixing our budget (whatever is important to you).
Let him talk, don't defend yourself even if he blames you. After he vents, he may open up. If not you can try another approach - I really appreciate that you work full time to provide for us. I also appreciate the time I have with because of your hard work. I would really appreciate it if you would take over the checkbook for the next month, as I feel it's important for both of us to know where our money goes and how it is spent.
Reading material to consider:
His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr
A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman
Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together: Breakthrough Strategies to Resolve Your Conflicts and Reignite Your Love by Sue Ellen Page
The 10 Second Kiss, Ellen Kreidman
Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw
Loving Solutions, Gary Chapman
Sorry, this isn't as smooth as my first attempt at posting this.

Thank you for your thoughts on this situation I am in. I have tried to stop doing it all, my house was a wreck in a day, I have tried to hand over the checkbook, so he can take a look, the bills were not paid.
I have tried the talking, but I ended up furious. As soon as the words, "but you....." came out of his mouth I lost it, screaming and throwing things...... I think I am going to try that route again and see if it works. Maybe if I let him get it all out, we can start to move forward instead of standing still.
If that fails, I will seek therapy, if not for the both of us, for me at least.
Also, thanks for the suggestions on reading, I am heading to the book store after work.
Thanks Again!
Anji