Husband accessing match dating site
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Husband accessing match dating site
| Wed, 12-17-2003 - 11:02pm |
My husband of 28 yrs (both of us 51 yrs. old) had been accessing porn sites, until I blew up about it(several months ago)and "match" dating sites (within the last week). He tells me he was just wasting time, curious to see who is on the site (ages 25-40) from our town. (About 17 years ago he was interested in a co-worker of mine and asked her to lunch. She refused his invitation and told me about it). Deep down, I don't believe him. He is trying to convince me otherwise, that he's not interested in anyone else. Am I a fool to believe him? I am absolutley consumed by this latest interest. My heart tells me to jump ship, my head tells me to think things thru. I do not trust him in my heart and I really don't want to live a lie. What do you think is going on? I'm coming apart bit by bit because of this. Is the writing on the wall and I'm not seeing it?

What is happening with your marriage right now? 28 years is along marriage and I'm sure if you are like most couples in along marriage, you both probably take eachother for granted in many areas. The spark is probably not so bright anymore and needs to be rekindled!
Hopefully you caught it before he has actually gone onto the next step and is seeing anyone. I was in a marriage for 25 years and the last year, before we decided to divorce, I found out he was seeing someone else. He had always been truthful with me and I had no reasn to doubt him when he said he was working overtime or with his good friend at his house. But after I found out more and more things made sense - things I had thought were red flags but that I had ignored basically, not wanting to believe that he could ever do that to me.
Talk to him and ask him what's going on, does he love you anymore, and what you two can do to make this marriage come alive again. Showing that you think he's great and things you used to do earlier in the marriage need to be shown again. But don't just ignore this...
See if he would consider marriage counseling to make your marriage better. There are also many good books out for saving marriages. Dr. Phil has one called Relationship Rescue that is pretty good and also has a workbook that the two of you can do together.
But to me his searching these sites is a sign that something else is a problem or he wouldn't be doing this.
You said, "...My heart tells me to jump ship, my head tells me to think things thru. I do not trust him in my heart and I really don't want to live a lie..." I think you are being rational in not jumping ship yet until you find out the facts. If he is not willign to work on the relationship to make it better and continues his activities, then you need to consider your next step.
But at least talk to him and see what he has to say for himself. He will probably try to change the tables on you and make it look like you are just an untrusting wife with issues, but don't let him do that to you. I know that sinking feeling so much and how much it hurts - but maybe you two can work on things and make them better. Best fo luck to you and keep us posted...
Sherri
Hugs to you!!!!!!
After that long of marriage, or any length of time period- you would hope that this isnt something that you would have to deal with and my heart goes out to you as you are dealing with it right now. As hard as it may be, you need to trust your instincts .
Good luck,