i hurt his ego unintentionally

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2003
i hurt his ego unintentionally
3
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 1:26pm
my SO is very upset with me and possibly ready to end our relationship over what i think may be, in reality, a misunderstanding.

last weekend in bed, he says that i wanted to go again (true). he says he then told me "that's it". he says next i said "that's it? that's pitiful."

we had been out beforehand and had a few drinks but never, under any circumstances would i refer to this man as pitiful. i do, quite frequently, refer to my dog as pitiful and he's heard me say it on many occassions. our pattern is to go to bed, have sex, talk then go to sleep. while talking my dog is usually running around on the floor whining or looking sad because he wants on the bed. i think i said "that's it?" poutingly but not meanly, then saw or heard my dog and referred to him as pitiful.

my SO is very sensitive sometimes and i would never even joke about him like that. how can i get him to see that i didn't mean the remark towards him??

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 1:42pm
You can't. I think all you can do is tell him what you think happened, apologize if you sounded like you meant something other than that, and that's it. If he's really THAT insecure that he needs to you plead and beg and tell him over and over again how great he is, then HE'S the one with the problem. If he actually would break up with you over it, you're better off without him. It's not your responsibility to make him feel good about himself. He's got to figure that out for himself.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 8:34pm

Does your SO

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2003
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 11:34am
I would hope that I make that abundantly clear. I take every chance to compliment him, help him when he needs it, listen when he needs it. I don't think he doubts my feelings for him. I think he is still stinging from a very bad breakup a couple of years ago where his long time SO cheated on him. Do I think he has issues? Yes. We have been close friends and casually dating for a little over a year. It has only been recently that he wanted to start a commited relationship with me. We've been very open with each other as I was divorced a short time after his relationship ended. So we both had things to deal with. I'm afraid that he may not have been ready for this commitment. And I don't want to lose him.

I will take your advice and talk to him. As soon as he will agree to sit down and listen!