My husband says he never wins
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My husband says he never wins
| Thu, 12-18-2003 - 1:47pm |
I've been married to my husband for 1.5 years. I've always been a big talker/discusser and he has always been quiet and reserved. we fought seldon until recently. According to him, when I seek advise from him and he gives it, i never accept what he is saying and put him in a position in which he never wins. I dont understand what this means. When he proposes a solution aand I argue back its really my way of continueing the debate or the conversation. it doesnt mean i dont accept his answer. he thinks i never listen to him....
the bigger issue is if I am a talker how can I continue to live with some one who feels a good relationship is one that has no disagreements?

btw, I've recently been accused of this very same thing with my bf. After thinking about it for awhile, I realized he may have a point. At times it's almost a knee-jerk reaction to disagree with what he says without really thinking it through or picking my battle
I'm not saying you are wrong or at fault in these arguments, but since we can only change our OWN behavior, it's something to think about.
Best wishes.
It seems from what you've said that it isn't that your husband doesn't want you to talk, but he wants you to hear what he says to you, and to acknowledge his response. Good communication involves two parts - talking, and listening to the other. Listening means that you let the other person know that you've heard them, and what they are saying to you. If you do accept some of what he suggests, it is important that you let him know that. Tell him the parts you accept. Tell him the ways in which he helps, supports and gives to you. It sounds to me as though he is asking for acknowledgment of who he is and the ways in which he contributes to you. He wants to know that he has something valuable to contribute and that it affects you. There are many ways to talk to someone - some communication or debating is for the purpose of making the other feel powerless, or insignificant. Step back a bit and really take time to see what your goal is in communicating with him. Is it just to share ideas, or is it to win? Perhaps there are deeper issues between the two of you that need to be aired out? Of course you can continue to live with him, but you also may need some outside help in learning how to communicate well together, to listen to one another and be heard.
Best wishes.
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