Boyfriend jealous of my mother!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Boyfriend jealous of my mother!
5
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 2:45pm
My boyfriend of only 2 months has a horrible temper. But lately, I've noticed that he's got a jealousy of my mother and the bond we have with each other. I have since moved back in with my parents after an ugly breakup with an ex, and so we are trying (and stumbling) with re-connecting and she seems to be a bit clingy with my time. But since Scott came into my life, I see her very little--being that I am over at his house or he is over at mine 7 days a week. Lately, he's been a little abrasive with the words that he calls my mom (selfish, childish, rude, etc.) And even though she can be a little out of line sometimes, I still feel like she is my mother and he needs to respect that and have a little tact. I've asked him to chill with the harsh things he says about her, but he just takes it as me putting him second to "mommy and daddy" (who have been there for me my ENTIRE life) and that he doesn't want to feel like he has to "share" me with them. He blows up and starts talking like maybe we shouldn't be together. Help!! How do I explain to him that they are my parents and that he needs to have patience and tact?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 3:28pm
Two months? Good time to end it if he's already behaving this way.


Carrie

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 6:38pm
Red flag, Red flag.

You are dating a guy who doesn't want to "share" you with your family. Then blows up and threatens to break up with you if you don't choose.

This guy is not a good catch. This is classic control freak behavior. The idea is to seperate you from your friends and family so that you are dependent upon him. Then he can act however he wants and you are stuck.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 8:24pm

This guy is way out of line and I would take a big step back and look carefully at what's going on in the relationship. You have every right to be bonded with your parents, (if you weren't there would be something wrong). He has no right to want to break this crucial tie. He's only been with you a few months and is exacting extremely jealous and possessive, which is not a good sign. His abusive speech is also a warning signal. I would really be careful about proceeding with him, and if I did, I would go slowly - (not 7 days a week). You need to know much more about him before he can be trusted to be close to. Abusive behavior escalates. His jealousy is inappropriate and could develop into a dominatioin and way to exclude you from others. From the sound of this, I'd be careful. He doesn't sound like someone you can explain this to easily. When there are strong emotions going, as he has, the rational mind often doesn't do much good.


Be careful and take care of yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 8:33pm
Doesn't common sense tell you this guy is no prize? Why are you still dating him? Your family certainly comes before a guy you've known two months, or they should. Next time he says "maybe we shouldn't be together" YOU say "Funny, I've been thinking the exact same thing. Good bye."
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 8:35pm
Yikes! Why bother getting defensive and explaining anything to a man with a horrible temper and jealousy problem. Now it is your mom, next it will be your friends and you won't be able to leave the house or wear makeup.

Walk away from this guy and figure out why you were attracted to someone like this!