divorced man, scared to commit

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
divorced man, scared to commit
2
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 9:54pm
My bf and I have been dating for over two years. He is 36, once divorced when he was young. I am 32, never married before. We actually live together, but not officially; I go back and forth to my parenst house for my things. It has been two years like this. I suggested him to move in ( meaning that both of us pay and make OUR place together), but he says he is not ready. He says he wants to marry me, but he does not talk anything when it comes to realistic issues such as money or future plan. I got upset and sad when we have arguments over this because of no suggestion or solution from his side. I tried to break up, but I chose to stay with him because I love him. However, lately I am in the position that I need to change my job which probably needs to get out of my town. Also, my parents told me to get out of their house.(They don't like our relationship) I do not worry about what my parents say because it is my life, but now they don't like me and my bf is not really my side neither. I feel terribly alone. What can I do??
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 10:16pm
I think it is time you lived on your own and became independent - why would you live in your parents' home?
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 10:46pm
My parents are retired and old. My father is sick and they need some support financialy as well. I am Asian, so that I have some obligation to help my parents. At least my two sisters( they are married and away from us) think that I should take care of them because I am oldest. My boyfriend is American, so sometimes he has hard time to understand this.

I can be independent like having my own place, but then I can not support my parents as I do now. Or, I have to get a better job which I have to move out of this town.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 12:34pm

If you are wanting to establish some indepenadance, do it without him.He isnt ready and forcing him to do something he isnt ready to do will cause you alot of grief and regret later on.I can also understand your parents wanting you to move out, it seems like you are old enough to not even WANT to be living with them.So, why dont you go and get an apt. on your own ( if finances allow you too)? This way, you are gaining independance, and your BF see's that you are able to and will live on yoyur own without him.