Always Second Best..
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| Sat, 12-20-2003 - 11:43am |
I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I'm 25, he's 32. He's a teacher, and he also plays in a cover band about 3 nights a week. The problem is that his band is his life's first priority. He always talks about quitting his job, and starting a 2nd band and just living on the money he makes playing. How can I think of having a future with this man?? I don't want to live that type of lifestyle, nor do I want to raise children that way. He'd be out 5 nights a week in clubs and bars. Not exactly a family friendly lifestyle. And he's 32, set in his ways, and not likely to change. To top it off, he also has serious issues with expressing anything. He has told me he loves me 3 times in 2 years. The last time was 3 months ago. That really hurts. But at the same time, he's the nicest, most fun, sweet guy I've ever met!
Has anyone been in a situation like this? What did you do? What would you suggest? Thanks!
Marianne :)

It sounds like the two of you are not compatible in some basic, fundamental ways:
I agree with poster #2. It doesn't sound like the two of you have lifestyles in common and other issues. Most people may alter slightly, but they are who they are and rarely change. He might try to change for you for a little while, but he would eventually go back to his old ways. Should you decide to stay with him, there will be much that you will have to accept and overcome. He can be as nice and sweet of a guy that there is, but can you live that type of lifestyle? I think should you decide to stay with him that you are setting yourself up for hard times. Something to think about...
Sherri
But that doesn't mean that he is ready for a commitment or that you will be happy being married to him. Have you had a conversation about the future with him?