I REALLY LOVED HIM

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2003
I REALLY LOVED HIM
3
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 9:03pm
My boyfriend of almost three years recently broke up with me. He said that he needed time to "clear his head." What he meant by this I do not exactly know. Towards the end of our relationships things were not as good as they had once been. We were beginning to argue more, over things that really didn't matter at all. I must admit that I too had thought about initiating th breakup, but didn't becaujse I couldn't bear the thought of loosing him. He too said that he had been thinking about calling it quits for a while, but didn't take any action because of all the good times. I really, really, really still love him. I don't like being alone, but deep down I know that it really was and still is love. I have loved others in the past, but never felt this strongly about it. He siad that he loves me, but doesn't know if he is "in love" with me any more and he wants to figure that out. We agreed that we would be friends still, but would give each other about two weeks to work things out before talking again. I vowed to myself that I would nbot call him first, but I don't know if he will call either, because we are both pretty stubborn. It has only been one week and I truly miss him. Not because I'm alone, becuase I've been out with friends, but becuiae I feel like something is missing from my life. We had talked about our future, and I honestly felt like he was the one. I love him with all my heart, even through the arguements. I have spent alot of time thinking about all of this and I know some things that I have to do differently to make things work. I would do basically anything to be with him right now! I can't stop thinking about him, and as horrible as it sounds I just want to know if he is with someone else! What should I do!!! PLEASE HELP!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 11:27am
i am so sorry to hear that. i've been in a similiar situation where my bf and i decided to take a break, but it didn't quite work out so we started over. we are still trying to work things out but things are getting a lot better now.

well like he said he wanted 2 weeks of time. even though its hard, and might've seemed like a month, its only been a week. give him another week. and sometimes even though you don't wanna make a first call, because of your principles and pride... etc. well weigh your pride with your desires. which one do you want more? to keep your pride, not calling him? or swallow the pride, go for what you want, and tell him how you feel?

either way, give it another week. the chances are he will call if you don't, because if you guys have been together for a long time, your partner won't just stop talking to you and completely disappear from your life. and if you guys are really meant to be, and the attraction is still there, you guys will end up together in the end. things have their own ways of working themselves out. just give it time!

good luck!

and meanwhile don't worry if he's with someone else or not... just focuz on what you need to say to him when you see him, and since you already what are some things that needed to be changed to make it work next time, perhaps you can share these thoughts with him when you finally talk to him. and don't worry, it will happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2003
Mon, 12-22-2003 - 12:31am
hi melody & lonley. ok, is this the season?? i can't believe it, that we 3 (& i know some others) who are going through the same, if not exact, predicament. right now we're on a "cool-off" & taking a break but not broken up. first he asked for 2 months time & space "alone" (yes, 2 months) but i guess it went down to 2 weeks. after a week of not hearing from him, i called him & i cried. i wish i hadn't but i couldn't help it. the next day we talked but don't expect to be "normal" or feel that everything's ok after just 1 talk. it may take more than that, & it will take patience, understanding & strength from your side. i'm still going through this rough time right now, things have been confusing & there's so much hurt to deal with. there will be times you'll feel alone, so be with your friends, or go out, or just keep yourself busy. there will be times when you guys may seem ok already, but really you're not, & you'll expect things to be the way they were. it's going to take time & just take one day at a time. there will be times when you'll break down & maybe call him & force him to talk, you might get answers you might not want to hear. don't force him to talk, ask him when it will be a good time. he'll come to you if you don't nag him.

melody, i'm curious, are you & your boyf contacting each other every day? or much less than before you had this problem? i'm glad to hear you guys are getting better, i guess i'm at that point where i'm just entering or just beginning that phase in my relationship..


Edited 12/22/2003 12:38:08 AM ET by destiny0212

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2003
Mon, 12-22-2003 - 8:38am
lonley -- i know the feelings of aloneness, the simple things you miss, the phone calls, the touching base, the contact and the reassurance and happiness of having someone in your life to share everything important with. as others on the site will attest, i have used this site to help me get through the first month of an abrupt break from my gf, after being togther day-in, day-out, night-in, night-out for more than a year with perhaps 10-15 nights where we didn't sleep together (when one of us was out of town), she suddenly ended things in the period of a few discussions in one day. in the period of that day, it grew from us not pending that night together, to her needed a break for awhile, to a full "breakup." wow. talk about being blind-sided. and that was after being together, sleeping together, making love together, everything seemingly normal over the previous few days. people on this site have been helpful, to the point where i couldn't wait to open it to check responses to my posts. i always leaned heavily on my closest friends and family, and told them exactly what was going on, how much pain i was in, etc. their comfort and solace was valuable. i also asked them to help me find some "distractions" for me and they came through -- i met a new person for lunch yesterday and we hit it off quickly and there were definitely sparks flying. so, while you may not want or be ready for that, and in your case you may not be at the point where you need to go this route, i can recommend it as a good way to begin to think more positively about yourself and your future, regardless of where your current bf ends up in his search for more "space."