"The engagement cloud"
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| Sun, 12-21-2003 - 10:33am |
To compound this, our family and friends keep asking about it. I try to just ignore it, but it's starting to weigh on me. Before every event people say to me "I think it's going to happen this time!!" And each time it doesn't happen, they say "it will happen soon - don't worry". I've asked them to stop and even started avoiding some of them.
Overall, I'm finding it harder to enjoy things with him because of the expectations. I approach each event differently now and I've noticed that I get depressed for days afterward. I even start to get angry with him without wanting to. I hide it as best I can because I know it's not his fault, but it's getting harder.
I've tried explaining the general problem to him, but he feels that if we talk about it, we are jinxing things or spoiling the surprise. He's supportive, but only to a point can I freely discuss it with him. Although I know they have their own pressure around this life event, I don't think men understand the pressure on us.
So I'm looking for advice on how to stop feeling so tied to this and start to enjoy things with him again. We have a vacation coming up and I find that I'm thinking more about how I'm going to handle the disappointment of not getting engaged than actually looking forward to the trip. I'm afraid that I'm going to be upset despite myself if it doesn't happen. We've worked hard to earn this vacation and I don't want to spoil it for either of us.
I am happy in my relationship, but this is stating to get in the way. Any creative ways to stop feeling like this and get out from under the "engagement cloud"?

Why not tell him that relieving the anxiety and depression and societal pressure is much more important to you than possibly ruining a surprise. And by the way, having this talk does not mean that he can't surprise you with how and when he proposes.
'So I'm looking for advice on how to stop feeling so tied to this and start to enjoy things with him again.'
Communication is key. You can't keep it in-that is definitely not the way to start the rest of your lives together.
You just need reassurance from him.
Good luck
Gina