A Fair Request
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 12-21-2003 - 10:50am |
I have had an on again, off again relationship with a man for 5 years now. We had not talked nor seen each other in 10 months up until this last week. And because of a connection that we have with one another and I feel, the love we have for one another, we started to become reacquainted again. The last week, we have spent time everyday together, talking openly with one another, which had been a problem for us in the past. It also seemed that we were starting to build some trust in one another, which had also been a problem in our past. What we seemed to be sharing was very enjoyable and looked promising up until last night. As we were talking, he asked about my dating activities over the last 10 months. I told him that I didn't believe it was important to our relationship going forward, but he insisted that it was. He continued to push on this and I finally told him that I dated and then he wanted to know if I had been intimate with anyone in that time period. I didn't lie, I told him yes. He immediately was unable to look at me. He further told me that he hadn't been intimate with anyone, for the emotional aspect of being with someone, was now more important to him, than it had been in the past. I truly respect those feelings and told him so. Keep in mind, when we broke off our relationship 10 months ago. It was a pretty bad breakup and there was no communications between us for that entire time. After the breakup, it took me a lot of time and counseling sessions to get over the breakup and I'd finally worked through a lot of feelings to be able to emotionally put myself out there to date again.
I love this man, always have, always will. He has now given me a proposition, as to our relationship going forward. He feels that I can not be faithful to him. I've never been anything but faithful to him, when we were seeing each other His proposition is that we wait to work on a relationship until my last child goes to college, which is a year and a half. He further states that during this time, we will not see each other, we can talk, if I like, but we are to be committed in the sense that we will not see other people and will be faithful to the potential future relationship. He feels that my being monogamous to him during this time will show my love and faithfulness to him. So in essence, I feel that he is asking me to put my life and feelings on hold to prove my love for him. He feels that I was unfaithful to him during our breakup, by dating and looking for love with someone else. I don't feel that this is a fair request, as there is nothing stopping us from building a relationship, as we are 2 healthy individuals who live within 15 minutes of each other.
I am interested in your thoughts on his proposition.

i can understand where he's coming from, but he shouldn't expect so much. i agree with you that 10 months without communication is a long time and he can't expect you not to see anyone else since obviously it was a breakup. what's done's done. he needs to see where you are coming from too.
but if you really love this man, and think he's worth the wait and commitment, then from now on you can try to work things out with him. good luck!
I'm sorry, I know you love this man, but I think he's out of his mind.
Why are you even considering this? Don't you think you deserve better? Do you see how illogical and sick this is??
Walk away and tell him what he can do with his proposition.