CONFUSED

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
CONFUSED
3
Mon, 12-22-2003 - 12:06am
my boyfriend and i have been going through some problems, but decided to start things over from the beginning, work things out. the problem we had was that i was too in love with him, and i guess i have him pressure, he needed space. i had expectations, and things were getting too serious when we are just trying to have fun. i knew what had to be changed, and i needed to spend time more with myself, give him time, and lighten things up.

but i just couldn't help feel like im always his second best. he doesn't call everyday like he used to. we don't hang out every weekend like we used to. he says he'll see me before he leaves town but i haven't heard from him, and he was suppposed to leave tonight. then i found out he's hanging out with his friends. i might be overreacting, but it seems as if he loves me, but don't know if he's still in love with me or not. in my heart i need him to care more than that, is that asking too much? i don't want this whole "starting things over" to be an excuse to get away from me, but then i also understand the point is to be more independent.

i am giving him time and space, which is the samething as giving myself freedom. things have gotten better than it was a week ago, and im hoping it will keep on getting better. things might never be the same, but i love him. i just don't know what to do right now. i don't know if i should let him know im upset (therefore might cause him more stress) or just let it go and hopefully he'll miss what he's had. i don't like giving up on a good thing, but im not stupid to wait around for the old days to return.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
In reply to: melody127
Mon, 12-22-2003 - 12:44pm

i would let it go for right now. He needs time to figure out who hew is, because he may have lost that when he was with you and he cannot even begin to give you the love and attention you deserve untill he gives that to himself first. You should do the same. Spend time with freinds, get into a hobby, but dont call him. I know its hard, but this is what he wanted.


Good luck,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: melody127
Mon, 12-22-2003 - 2:30pm
Honey if he really wanted to be with you, he would. When a man says he needs time and space for himself, he is letting you down easy. He knows how much you want him and he doesn't have the heart to tell you directly.

So move on, I know it will hurt badly, but if you waste your time waiting for him to come around, you will be staying in limbo.

It isn't you that is not worthy of his friendship, it's just that you are not his type.

I wish you luck and success in finding someone who loves you as much as you love them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
In reply to: melody127
Mon, 12-22-2003 - 4:13pm
well he is with me. we are working things out, and spending time together, not so often, but everytime we are together its quality times so we actually do enjoy ourselves. last night he asked me to spend the night at his place, not for sex or anything because we didn't. it's just the mere presence of each other was enough. if things really go bad then i know what i'll have to do, but theres no reason in giving things up when they are just getting better. but yes actually i do spend a lot more time with friends now and looking forward to take a dance class as a hobby. but we are each other's first loves and i don't believe he's not my type. i think we are just perfect for each other, but we plunged in too deep and now can't breath. we are giving it more space in this relationship and i think it's working out great. thanks for your advices.

plus, when he wanted space and we went on a break, it didn't work because we couldn't leave each other alone. when i told him lets break up, he didn't want to, i didn't either. Then he suggested that we start over and we still do spent time together. he picks me up everyday so i don't think he's trying to let me down easily.

Edited 12/22/2003 5:57:17 PM ET by melody127


Edited 12/22/2003 6:09:41 PM ET by melody127