Boyfriend has sleepovers with friends
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Boyfriend has sleepovers with friends
| Tue, 12-23-2003 - 6:40pm |
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and have been talking about marriage but I am sick of all his sleepovers with his friend. Once a month, he drives up to SF and spends the weekend with his friend. I think this is ridiculous. He's not 12 anymore! He's 27 and his best friend is 30! Give me a break! I think he should come home at night. After we get married, things aren't going to change. What married couple spends one weekend a month apart while one spouse has a flippin' slumber party? He says he needs to get away and have his guy time. He can have his guy time all he wants without spending the night at his friend's house. Am I totally overreacting? I refuse to be the lonely wife/mother who sits around cleaning house all weekend while he parties with his friends. What should I do?

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Where do you live by the way? Just curious since I am from the bay area.
i agree with deena -
I would say that he attends these sleep overs once every 6 weeks. But that's not to say that he doesn't do anything aside from that. He meets up with friends after work for drinks, he has dinner with his grandfather once a week and his parents once a week, he has people over for football on Sundays or goes out to a friend's. He went to texas, nebraska, and la already this year and he planned a 2 week trip to europe without telling me and a vegas trip in May.
I have a condo in Fremont but we spend 5 out of 7 days of the week at his apartment, which is by the San Jose Arena. Where do you live?
i think what you can't deal with is that he doesn't include you in this activities, especially the trips.
don't ban him from those activities. you don't have a right to do that. i understand where you are coming from, and i once was a gf who wanted her bf's time 24/7. well guess what, a love held too tight would fight. so we are working things out and this time we are giving each other more space. so don't think of his get-away as his own personal space. it's some space and freedom for you too, and i totally agree that you should have a sleep over and a girls night out. girls are fun after you are spending forever with a guy.
anyway back to my point, you can't stop him from what he's doing, but perhaps you should suggest to him that he include you in some of the trips. and you can plan a trip for the two of you, make a first move, set an example, let him know where you are coming from. there's nothing wrong with compromising.
but if this isn't what you want, then find someone else who could give you what you want. but i can almost guarantee you that every man would want some guy-times. why do you think husbands get away from wives to play golf? lol good luck!
ok, let me get this straight. this is not about his going on a "sleepover"
You two have separate residences so why are you cleaning his while he is away?
Also, does he invite you out with his parents/friends/family or prefer to go alone? It sounds like you are his 'apartment mommy' while his does his own thing. If he is planning trips without telling you then that is the topping on the cake-you are not a priority in his life. This isn't justs about his spending some time with others-it sounds like he spends most of his time with others.
I used to live by the San Jose Arena in the Rose Garden neighborhood. I am up near Sacramento now.
If I were you, I would reevaluate my relationship and take a good look at the person you're considering spending the rest of your life with.
I don't mean to sound judgmental but when a person marries there are certain sacrifices that are made to please your partner and unless there is a real "meaning" to this obtrusive monthly ritual, he should be able to part with it at your command. I would suggest finding out if and what the motivation is behind these "slumber parties". I'm with you, I would be irritated, however, I would also be infuriated.
I am sorry "giving something up at your command" is not what a marriage is about, maybe a compromise to reduce the frequency of those visits, but giving up visiting with a friend because you are too insecure about it?
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
CL Ask A Guy
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