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| Sun, 12-28-2003 - 2:01pm |
i remember i drank maybe 6-8 beers over like a 5 hour period of time. but then there were all these guys buying me shots and stuff and i'd never done shots before. i dont know what i was drinking or how many i did. but there was this one skinny guy and he kept bringing me over drinks. and he had this little digital video camera and he kept pushing me against the wall and asking me to dance for him. and i did : / and he kept wiping my sweat. i mean, he was just really weird. and my friend flipped out then, said that you never ever take drinks from anyone but the bartender. ugh. im so unbelievably stupid :(
and i dont remember much for a little while after that. and then i remember the guy i ended up going home with, the friend of my friends, i remember him fighting with the skinny guy about who was taking me home. i remember them pulling on my arms and fighting and i couldnt tell who was who and i kept thinking my contact fell out or something, everything was so blurry. i remember the skinny guy saying he was taking me and i remember our friend saying "listen buddy, we dont know you. you are NOT taking her home!"
and then i remember being home with my friend's friend. and i remember starting to kiss. and then i dont remember after that. i remember thinking at one point "i think he's inside me and we're having sex". and i remember that i couldnt recall taking our clothes off. and then i dont remember after that. and then i remember the morning after and him going home. it wasnt him who slipped me anything, im sure of that. and im sure he didnt know and thought i was consenting. im sure he would have stopped if i had said no. but i guess i didnt say no. but now im wondering maybe if i couldnt really say no because there had been a mickey in my drink. it was kind of a rough bar we were at, we really just went to hear the band...we follow that band around to different places because we like them, but we'd never been to that place before.
you can test for rohypnol up to 72 hours after it happened, so i just went for bloodwork now. but i didnt have a rape kit done or anything, i mean...the guy didnt rape me. and..ugh. UGH! im so stupid. i should have stayed with my friends. i shouldnt have left my drink unattended. i shouldnt have taken drinks from anyone but the bartender. how could i be so f-ing stupid?!? i just didnt know :( my bf and i dont have secrets from one another. i dont know how im going to live with this. what a horrible lesson to learn. im so torn up as to whether to tell him anything or not. somewhere out there is a tall skinny guy jacking off to some video of me dancing around and cussing about the fact that another guy ended up taking me home and he wasted his hard-earned roofie on nothing. i just wanna kill him.
| Sun, 12-28-2003 - 6:47pm |
