Am I tripping? Need help addressing!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Am I tripping? Need help addressing!!!!
2
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 2:05pm
Hello, I am new here. And I have been thrown for a loop and I don't know if I'm just being insecure and petty or if there might be a real issue here. I've been dating this wonderful man for several months and things have been going splendidly. After being in an abusive 9 year relationship with my 3 kids' dad and having such awful luck in the dating department I finally found a man who is loving, kind, attentive, fun, and very sensual. He's working on a relationship with my three kids, which isn't easy for a thirty-something man who's never before had kids or been married. But he adores my kids and they adore him. We have never fought so far. We have the most laid back relationship. There's no real sense of urgency or dependency; we simply enjoy being together and have grown to love eachother. There is talk of a future and he invests so much into myself and my children so I know he's serious about it. :)

Our love life has been amazing and our sex life too. The sparks are something I've never before felt with anyone. The problem presented itself over the course of the holidays here. He spent the entire weekend with the kids and me so he could be here with us to celebrate. We have had a great time. But when it comes to the intimacy, I have been receiving a different vibe. We haven't had the same 'flow' and it's been awkward for me. It's like he's not as aggressive when it comes to intimacy. Last night the oddest thing happened that left me feeling very weird. I initiated and even though we got silly and teased eachother a bit (not sexual teasing; just simply joking), but he didn't really reciprocate my advances. He pretended to roll over and joked that he could outlast my 'stare'. (a way I look at him that he knows I want him and the look has driven him crazy in the past so it's an ongoing thing between us.) Well he did outlast my 'stare' by several minutes to the point where I just gave up. I laughed and stated that he's no fair. He just giggled but didn't do anything more. He just laid there. So this is when I felt weird and rolled over not knowing what to do next. He really didn't do much after that. He got up to use the bathroom and carressed my shoulder on the way. He reached over and carressed my arm a few times but the weirdness was still there for me. Eventually we went to sleep with no words said.

Upon awaking this morning he asked me twice if something was wrong. Stupidly I said no, but only because I wasn't sure if anything was wrong and how to address it. I needed time. He was very affectionate this morning. Not in a sexual way but rather in a loving way. He put his arms around me, kissed me, carressed me and was being his usual sweet self. As if nothing strange happened last night. I can tell he knows there is some weirdness because he would look at me with a perplexed expression. He finally left to go to his parents and I don't feel well about this. The weird vibe started three nights ago even though we did have sex. The sex wasn't the same. It's as though something is preoccupying him or something but he isn't one who opens up so easily. Things have been so awsome between us that I don't want to mess it up by not knowing how to handle this sort of situation with ease. I certainly don't want to make mountains out of molehills but if I don't say something to him could this 'problem' evolve into something huge?

Yesterday we had such a wonderful time together too. He took me to the Harley Davidson bike shop since he's a biker. He was showing me off to the guys and telling the workers there that he wants me to be 'broken in' to the biker world. He was so proud to take me into his store and share his passion with me. Though I was completely lost (since I know nothing about motorcycles) I am willing to learn and try to enjoy his passion with him. I am extremely flattered that he wants to share this with me. We went out to eat, went to a movie and just has such a good time. It's obvious how proud he is to be with me and he loves to flaunt us in public. Everything between us is wonderful except now this intimacy issue, if it even is an issue.

One final note is that I had one xmas gift left over for him that I couldn't put under the tree since it was 'adult oriented'. I had it wrapped up and was waiting for a good time to give it to him when we were alone. That time never seemed to arrive due to the vibe I was getting. He knows what kind of a gift is in the package but doesn't know specifically what it is. Well, this morning when he left he took the unopened package with him!!!!! How odd is that? I know he doesn't have issues about adult novelties and incorporating those sorts of things in our sex life as we talk about it and have even browsed before. I don't think this gift is the issue but an afterthought. But why would he take it with him?

Thanks for any advice anyone has. If I'm tripping; just say so. He's a great guy and I'm not angry with him only confused. I love him and if he's having insecurity issues I hope I can help him through those in some way.

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 3:28pm
"Eventually we went to sleep with no words said. "

You need to say the words.


'Upon awaking this morning he asked me twice if something was wrong. Stupidly I said no, but only because I wasn't sure if anything was wrong and how to address it.'

Just say it and ask him.


'....It's as though something is preoccupying him or something but he isn't one who opens up so easily. '

And are you opening up easily or keeping quiet when you should be communicating?


'......but if I don't say something to him could this 'problem' evolve into something huge?'

Exactly



"Well, this morning when he left he took the unopened package with him!!!!! ....But why would he take it with him? "

Why didn't you ask him?


"I love him and if he's having insecurity issues I hope I can help him through those in some way."

You can't help him through anything if you won't communicate.

No one here can tell you what he is thinking. You have a great guy who obviously loves you and treats you well. Don't blow it by hiding your feelings and not talking.







iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 3:46pm
You are right. I guess I was just thrown for a loop and since it's been such a long time since I've been in a relationship (three years) I forget about some of the issues that arise. I know I need to communicate but I just don't know how to go about it without making it worse. I don't want to upset him or offend him. I just wanted to be sure there was something to address and that it's not all in my head.

And about the gift...I didn't ask him why he took it because I didn't notice until after he left that the gift was gone too.

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi