SOS !!! please please help !

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
SOS !!! please please help !
2
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 7:03am
I have asked my friends for advice. However, being good indian girls they have all settled down to arranged marriages , so please help me !

I like this guy at work a lot.. he and i were in the same project for 3 years. 3 years ago when i first got to know him , i remember he said something like "u r perfect" to me. but at that time i did not think of this guy at all.

Last year we spent a lot of time together on a proj (till this june). and he is a great person, but a shy type. I have listed down both positive and -ve responses from him.

Positive:

1. would drive me home / wait till 2 am in the morning for me at work.

2. would spend time alone with me in malls.

3. showed me all photographs he had, of family, friends...

4. would carry my shoes around the mall (when my feet hurt !!)

5. consults me on funny stuff like baby names for his friends kids, or gifts for a friend getting married.




negative:

put work first at times.

after i came back, was not such a good corresponder. I would write to him more often than vice versa.

when i ask him wot r his plans for marriage , says no plans.

i do really care about this guy and am thinking of asking him . could you all please advise if its a good idea for me to ask him ? i would like to give him an ultimatum but need to know if thats a good approach.

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 11:51am
What are you thinking of asking him, marriage? Are you dating or do you have a relationship other than friendship? I'm not sure how these things work in your culture or if you have entirely embraced the American culture, which would be to date, have a romantic relationship develop and then talk about marriage.

I'd say having a clearer picture of what exactly is your relationship with this man will help you to get more helpful responses. That said, my knee jerk reaction to any kind of ultimatum is no. If it is marriage that you are proposing think of how this might sound to him "marry me or you're never going to see me again" as opposed to, "how do you see our relationship developing? I am interested in a long term committment and am hoping you feel the same way". I think the 2nd option might be more to his liking and you will also get a more honest response from him and then you can take it from there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Thu, 01-01-2004 - 8:16am
hey thanks !!!

u are right a knee jerk approach is not welcome anywhere.. and yes , the idea in mind is for marriage..

the culture here is far more rigid.. and wanted to let u know i had a discussion with him on this subject !! YEEEEHHH.. :) in the same manner u recommended..

thats when i came to know that he shares the same feelings for me..

but was not owning up :) coz his parents have major issues on this subject..

anywayz i am glad the ball is now in his court.. have told him to let me know

what is his stand.. can he act against his parents wishes ?

so thats the update from my side.. thank you for ur support.. will let u know if there are any more updates :)