lving together

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
lving together
5
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 11:45am
Hi - anyone have any advice on how to ask my guy if he wants to move in together. I don't want to put him on the spot - we have never talked about moving in together - but I would like him to know that I have been thinking about it but I also don't want him to feel he has to answer me right away - I just want to able to have a lighthearted discussion about it with him. I don't want to jump in immediately - I just want him to know that I have been thinking about it and want to get his feelings on the subject - so any suggestions would be appreciated. We are both in our 40's and have both been divorced - have been together for 9 months now. Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 11:50am
Are you saying you want to move in with him? YOu want him to move in with you? Or that you want you each to divest yourselves of your individual residences and find somewhere together?

It makes a difference.

If he hasn't talked about a future in terms of "you two" - realize that you're probably "just dating". Meaning that he's just enjoying the fun, sex, cmpanionship, and conversation as it is available in the moment, he's not looking to "have future" where he compromises and meets the needs of someone else on an appropriate and regular basis.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 1:38pm

Well, I think you summed up what you want to talk to him about pretty well all by yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 3:21pm
Thanks for the advice - you pretty much hit the nail on the head - at this time I just want to know where I stand with him in terms of the future. We both own our own house and both of us are struggling with money - but I know that is not a reason to move in together. But I am either always there or he is at my house. I want to move in with him (or him with me , either way) because i love him and I can see a future, but he is a closed mouth kinda guy so he has a hard time expressing himself. I don't have a timeframe in mind whenthe time is right we will both know - as long as I know there is a future I'm satisfied. When it happens it happens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 3:29pm
Hi - thanks for your response - I was saying I wanted us to move in together - we both own our own home - so it wouldn't matter to me which one we lived in we would rent out the other one, He hasn't talked about a future in the terms of "us two" but then again neither have I. I just want to know from him " IF " he sees a future together - I would be satisfied just knowing that. I am not in a hurry to move in together I just wanted him to know it's on my mind and if it has crossed his mind. He does not let his feelings be known verbally - his actions though do show how he feels about me. But words are nice to hear sometimes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 3:34pm
You can start by asking how he feels about living together in general. Then, you can just ask "Do you see us moving in together in the future? have you ever thought about it?" just as a hypothetical future, so that he does not feel he has to answer right there and then. He may say he has not. You say you don't want to push him, but it may be a good idea to encourage him to at least consider it as a possibility for the future.