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| Thu, 02-05-2004 - 12:56pm |
Hi -- I have a bit of a problem, and because of it I seem to have found myself dumped by my live-in boyfriend as of about 15 minutes ago.
When he gets angry, he needs complete space -- i.e. he wants me to pretend he doesn't exist. I could really use some advice on how to leave him alone until he cools off -- I always try to talk before he is ready, and I just prolong his anger. I'm one of those people who hates it when people are mad, and tries to fix it as soon as possible. Please help -- I love this man, and every other aspect of our 2 year relationship is perfect. Help me prove to him that I can do this.
Thanks,
Jenny

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Then when he's calm suggest couple's counseling to help you both find effective ways to communicate.
PS or journal write about everything you feel while he's having his space - write about how it makes you feel, write about how you want to fix it, etc.
Edited 2/5/2004 1:28:46 PM ET by itwinflame
Carrie
Your BF's desire to be alone is perfectly natural. Let him go back to his "cave" and figure out his emotions. When he is ready to talk again, then you guys can deal with whatever issues there are. This can actually be very productive because when you guys talk after things have cooled down, you are more likely to stick to the issues at hand and find a solution.
During the mean time, do your own thing - whatever it is you'd like to do. Maybe you can write down your feelings or the specific issues you have so that when he is ready to talk you are too.
I'm talking about being mad for a couple of days. We live together, it is hard to leave him alone.
Can you agree on a compromise?
I'm amazed at how many people are unwilling to make their life better through counseling or a good self-help book. Dr Phil's book, Relationship Rescue talks about how people make changes after a divorce and if they would have made those changes while still married chances are they wouldn't be divorce.
Edited 2/5/2004 2:42:37 PM ET by itwinflame
Carrie
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