Newly Married-but not happy
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| Fri, 02-06-2004 - 10:30am |
I am new to this board. I welcome any advice that anyone could offer me. I just recently married for the 2nd time last 9/6/03. On 9/8/03, I started a new job, on 9/10/03, I was involved in an bad auto accident in which I sustained injuries. Not a good week for just getting married.
Since then, we have been fighting quite regularly. Partly my fault, partly his. I was trying to cope with my injuries and depression and probably drank a little too much. When we drank, we fought more. Eventually, he threatened to leave me if I had a drink. I was quite taken by shock. He then decided to forbid me from drinking at all. I have honored this, but have stated that I merely would like to have a glass of wine with dinner on the weekends, or when we go out. In the beginning he refused, but has conceded. Since then, I have had an occasion to have 1 drink with dinner with no ill effects or fights and have been drinking responsibly.
He is spiritual and ever since we were married, has insisted we go to Church every Sunday. Also Churck meetings during the week. There are times when I am tired after working all day or all week and just don't feel like going. I am spiritual, but not to his extent. He gets really angry when I say no, I don't want to go and insists that I go. My 11 year old son doesn't want to go either sometimes, and he insists that my son go also.
There are times when he really blows up at me. For instance, when my son was sick, I was shopping and bought some antibacterial soap so that I could minimize the germs, my husband was upset with me for buying a bottle of $.97 soap when he stated we already had some.
Then he got on my case because I was cooking chicken and didn't trim it properly to his liking.
Finally, last night, I had dinner for my son, age 26. My daughter and son had a birthday drink and asked if I would like one. I said sure. When my husband came home, he went bulistic and starting yelling at me in front of the kids telling me if I drink, he is going to leave. He was ranting and raving that I am ruining the night and he told me that I am not to drink. Well, I can tell you, with his repeatedly threatening to leave me, I am very guarded now. I have prepared myself for his eventual leaving.
Now he wants me to go to a marriage seminar, which goes from Friday night 6-10 and all day Saturday and again next weekend. I say, why bother. He is only going to eventually leave, but he insists on me going, so guess what I will be doing.
I feel like I am a robot. Any good advice for me, is greatly appreciate.
Thanks and God Bless,
Nancy

I think there are alot of things going on rightnow...NO matter what you are going through, doesnt give him the right to control you which is what hes doing.He needs tp be supporting you, thats what marriage is about, not kicking them while there down.Marriage is also alot of compromise, Im sure you know. You independance and pride doesnt have to be compromised though.
Being a christian doesnt mean you have to go to church and going to church doesnt mean your a christian.You DO NOT have to go to church to have and maintain with the lord.
I would reevaluate why its you that hasnt left yet....
I think counseling would be a good way to go, along with maybe some AA classes.It seems like both of you have some issues that need to worked on TOGEHER.
Good luck,
I wouldnt be putting up with it. If you are being sensible drinking, and only having the odd one or two, i really don't see why he makes a big deal out of it.
I cant believe he embarrassed you like that infront of your children, you should be the one threatining to leave....i had an ex that threatened leaving me over and over again because I stayed up chatting at night, but I kept doing it, and he never left, I left him because he was so unreasonable about the whole thing. If it is innocent, and your not hurting anyone, whats the harm in doing something you want to do?
The Church thing really annoys me...Im Christian, but i'll admit, i dont go to church every single week, and going to church everyday of the week will not make you any more christian than someone that goes once a week or once a month. Its how you treat people out in the real world, not the time you spend in a building for an hour a day that decides how religious you are. Tell him to have a good look at himself before he has a go at you about your attendance. I also dont think he should be forcing your son to go if he doesnt want to. He is your son, and if you're happy for him not to go, dont make him because of your husband, that will only cause resentment.