Jelous of his past

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Jelous of his past
4
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 3:40pm
I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year & recently he showed me pictures of him in college with his and ex girfriend...I saw there were letters he saved from her and the pictures kind of got under my skin, b/c they looked happy, kissing in pictures etc. I told him I had seen enough & didn't continue to look at the rest of them. Ever since then I have had this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and All I keep doing is picturing those pictures of the two of them together. He seemed so care free and with her a lot. I'm wondering why he still has love letters & pictures of her too? I keep wondering if he still has feelings for her. I don't know. I'm confused why I am thinking like this, b/c it's nothing I have ever been faced with. I want to stop thinking about this, but I need some advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
In reply to: i_dsgn
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 3:59pm

His past and his fond memories have nothing to do with your relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: i_dsgn
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 4:57pm
Hmm, ok first of all, who takes pictures when the are in a middle of a fight, or upset with each other, or unhappy? Hardly anyone. Photo albums are a collection of "happy" times. It doesn't mean they were ALWAYS happy or they would still be together.

Some people save everything (photos, letters, cards, etc) my boyfriend is one of them. He never looks at them and they are in our spare closet. I on the other hand don't save much from previous relationships.

You are going to have to talk back to your negative feelings.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
In reply to: i_dsgn
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 5:11pm
It would be interesting to know the events that led up to him showing you the pictures. Does his motive in showing them to you have anything to do with your reaction to them?

I'm not interested in seeing any pictures of my bf's previous SOs. I, personally, think it would be less than sensitive of me to sit my bf down to look at pics of my past loves. I wouldn't do it. Now if he asked to see a pic, that would be different. I have not kept any old bf pictures or letters. I've been married twice and have both wedding photo albums stashed, with my high school year books, at the bottom of a cedar truck that hasn't been opened in years.

The second MIL actually kept a picture of stbx and his previous gf on her piano until finally, after 3 yrs of marriage and a grandchild for her, I asked her to replace or remove it. It could be she was being honest when she told me she didn't realize it was still there(yah, right, the lady dusted almost every day) Point is, once I asked her nicely, she removed it. Maybe you should nicely tell your bf that you know he has a past, you'd just rather not look at pictures or letters from his ex gfs.

I don't know how old you are but at my age, if the guy doesn't have any past loves that were at least partly happy, there must be something really wrong with him. Ask your self, "If he was so happy with her, why is he not still with her?" The answer? Because, though he may have had happy times with her but he's *HAPPIER* with you. That's what counts today.

Best wishes and keep looking up^, Susan.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
In reply to: i_dsgn
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 7:23pm
THIS IS EAISER SAID THAN DONE,BUT JUST LET IT GO.Hes with you,not her,thats not to say that they might have some fond memories,but now its your turn.good luck .

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