Help- my boyfriend has an addiction

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Help- my boyfriend has an addiction
2
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 8:02pm
Last night I came home and accidentally discovered an email from my boyfriend to a friend wanting to buy crack. (It really was an accident-- he leaves his email on my home laptop.) The email mentioned keeping it on the DL since I don't "approve."

When he came over last night, I confronted him about the email. He broke down crying and admitted that he has a slight problem. He uses on average once a month-- sometimes with friends at parties, but also by himself. He's been hiding it from me the entire time we've been dating-- 6 months.

I love him and don't want to break up with him, but I don't want to get hurt. He's willing to get help if it means saving our relationship.

What are your thoughts on the situation? Would you leave him? How do I learn to trust him again?

I'd appreciate any advice that anyone has. Thanks!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 4:52am
Drug addicts make great liars. And he's lying - he says he only using once a month? Don't make me laugh. And crack is about as nasty and addictive as you can get in the drugs department.

Break up with this guy - let him get help for his problem and then once he's been clean a while, tell him to get in touch. But really, you can't help this guy, he must help himself, crying and admitting he has a problem means nothing - doing something about it means everything. Watch the actions, not the mouth. Let that dictate what you do next.

Peace - Pebbles

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 10:34pm
Goodness, goodness, goodness. I really do feel for you. One of my boyfriend's good friends has a bad drug problem. Luckily, my boyfriend sees how much it messed him up, so he doesn't get involved. Anyway, I'm pretty close to this guy and I think I know him pretty well. He truly is a great guy, but he can't kick his addiction. He has been in and out of rehab, the whole nine yards. I saw his previous girlfriend break up with him because he lied to her, I've seen him sell some of his possessions for drug money, I've seen him lie to his bestfriends. He doesn't want to have a drug problem, but he is ADDICTED. This guy has been dating someone else for over a year, and she left him about a week ago. Why? He lied. He goes to meetings and is supposed to be staying clean and isn't. Drugs take control of these people's lives. As much as they love someone, it doesn't matter. If you want to make this relationship work, you need to get him to check into rehab and go to meetings, and you MUST keep a close eye on him after that. Because when he has an urge, YOU MUST BE THERE. Are you willing to take on that responsibility? If not, then get out now because it won't be easy. He will lie to get away from you if he has an urge to do drugs. I'm not even mentioning the whole legal aspect of this- If he gets busted with drugs in his car, or house, and you're there... Well, I don't think I need to say anymore. Good luck, and you have a big decision to make. Be sure to make this decision for yourself and don't let your feelings take over you. Use your brain.