Might Lose My Husband
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| Sat, 02-07-2004 - 6:55pm |
My husband and I had a baby 5 months ago...mind you it was hard because we had lost a baby earlier the year before and we were scared...anyway, we started our marriage out on crisis mode...
My husband started working two jobs in October because he wanted me to be able to stay home with our son to take care of him..I thought it was really sweet and I was excited..I had lost my job during my pregnancy anyway and didnt have a new job yet. Well, things have been rather hectic because he works so much. We never see each other and he never gets to spend a lot of time with our son...
Well I had started getting jealous and wondering if maybe he was out partying or hooking up with other girls and not actually working this much. I let it take over and totally control my thoughts and constantly questioned him about it. Now I feel like a jerk because that wasnt the case at all...hes just been working like crazy. Well, we ended up getting in a huge blow out fight and we're not even living together right now. Its been two weeks and I dont know what to do.
I went to talk to someone about why Ive been doing this. I love him so much and I want to do anything to fix this, but he told me hes scared that things wont change. We've talked about trying to fix things before, but we really never did, but this time Im actually trying to get help and we will be starting couples therapy...hes still scared though and I feel like hes letting his fear control him. I really dont know what to do. We havent even had a chance to sit down and talk about it because he is always working. What can I do to show him that things will change? Ive been looking for a job so he can quit one of his and doing stuff I normally wouldnt do...social anxiety...I just want things to get better. I miss him and Im so mad that we let this happen...I know he needs to fix stuff too...Im scared and nervous that he doesnt love me anymore..and on top of it all, we still have our son to worry about...does anyone have any suggestions or anything? Im so depressed and confused..

Rather than offering him some level of appreciation for his efforts you made the choice to not trust him and to essentially call him a liar through your actions. If a man was to show that level of dis-respect for a woman most women would dump him. You need to prove through your actions that you are making effective and positive change. When he sees that change then he may be willing to go to couples counselling with you.
The first steps are yours, not his.
I just wanted to say that I think I forgot to mention something before...He had lied to me about a couple things (the same things) a few times and thats why I started to not believe things he was saying. I would catch him in the lies and he said that he didnt tell me about it because he was afraid I would be mad..but I would only get mad because he lied about it.
Hopefully we will be able to talk soon so that he can see all that I have done to try and change things for myself as well as for us. Some of it were things he never even brought up, but I realized I didnt like them, so I figured I really needed to change them. I am going to try to make an appt for the therapist for myself again. We have an appt together in like two weeks, but I want to meet with her again before I go in with my husband.
Its just hard right now because its a waiting game...he said he missed me and seems to care, I just honestly think he is scared and that is so hard...because we both need to build up trust again with each other, and its so hard to have time to "rebond" when he is working all the time...