Sex trouble

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Sex trouble
4
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 12:33pm
Major trouble in this marriage. We've never been happy sexually. Husband wants explicit sex acts. I feel his issuing commands like "Come here and pull down your pants" (in the kitchen) is showing a lack of respect and makes me feel like a whore. I don't know what to do. He says if I can't respond to these types of things and get into it, he won't be happy and will leave. He claims to love me and is attracted to me. He wants me to think about sex, plan surprises for him, and role play. Are all men like this? He says they are. If they aren't, they are wimps not acting on their desires. Do I have a problem? Should I enjoy explicit things like this? HELP!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: cparkins2004
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 1:41pm
No not all men are like that.....

You only have a problem because he's demanding something from you that you don't feel comfortable with AND he doesn't care that you don't feel comfortable with it. That's not love.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: cparkins2004
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 1:53pm
I'll ask the obvious question: Didn't you know he was like this before you married him? No, not all men are like your husband. Your husband's desires verge on the deviant, and I'm not saying that's bad or wrong, but if it's not what you're into, then you're not compatible. He's looking for a master/slave type relationship and that's a *lifestyle*. He will not be happy unless he's living that way. But you will not be happy living that way. THUS...incompatibility. So long as you are together, neither one of you will be happy or get what you want from life or the relationship. Good luck.
Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cparkins2004
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 1:55pm
I agree with twinflame. Your husband is not being loving when he does things that make you feel like a whore and threatens to leave you if you don't respond to sex the way he wants to you to. He sounds very controlling and manipulative. No one should use sex as a weapon. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable and fun. It's also supposed to bring a couple closer together. It's a give and take, not just take.

I think that everyone is different in their sexual desires. Some like this demanding stuff, some like bubble baths and candles, and everything in between. There is nothing "wrong" with any of it. It's just different. I think it has to do with the way people are wired. What is wrong is when someone demands that his or her partner be turned on in ways that he or she isn't. It's one thing to explore different things together and find new ways to turn each other on, but it's quite another when someone threatens a partner if he or she doesn't perform in a particular way.

As for all the other men, maybe every man has a fantasy of getting sex on demand. I don't know. My husband has a fatasy of a threesome, but since I am not comfortable with it, it's not going to happen. He accepts that, not because he is a wimp, but because he understands boundaries and would never want me to do anything I was uncomfortable with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
In reply to: cparkins2004
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 2:13pm

Well, what is obvious is that you are not enjoying the sexual part of your relationship, and most likely niether is he because he wants you to enjoy sex the way he does.