What is going on with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
What is going on with me?
1
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 10:35pm
I just needed a place to come and vent to, so bare with me. I have a boyfriend who is my absolute worst nightmare. He sleeps around, he lies, he makes me feel bad about myself, he's self-rightous and cold. And yet, for the life of me, I cannot let go of him. I'm so confused. When I look over this relationship, I know that my needs are not being met and that I am not happy and that there is just something inherently wrong with that. But I hang on anyway. I don't even understand what my own problem is and I feel so foolish. What am I doing? I feel like he is a drug and I am an addict. It's horrible. I get angry about the things that he does and try to keep myself in a strong mind set when I'm ready to confront him, but he always seem to know how to break me down. It's like I'm totally ready to go in and tell him off and get on with my life, and then somehow the conversation turns into me being terrible and demanding and nagging. And by the time the conversation is over, I'm the one apologizing and feeling like a wretch. Sometimes I just want to leave a note somewhere that says that I'm leaving him for good and just run. But I have yet to be able to do it. Am I crazy? I think I must be for being in this situation. Anyway, thank you for letting me vent. I am so depressed right now I just had to let off some steam. If anyone has had a similar situation and would like to offer advice, I would love it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 11:31pm


'he makes me feel bad about myself,'

No one can make you feel bad about yourself without your consent. You have given him lots of permission and continue to let him know that he can treat you this way and you will be around.

You must be getting something out of it or you wouldn't stay. Where did you learn that is was o.k. to put up with it?

I think it is time to seek counseling.