I don't know if he loves me anymore
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I don't know if he loves me anymore
| Wed, 02-11-2004 - 6:40pm |
We were once in love. We both sat there and I asked him if we were in love and he said yes and I knew it was true. We use to watch the sunrise together, he never forgot my birthday or Valentines day and he always had a kind word for me. Last year we found out we were pregnant. Things started out fine but I don't know where or how but we started fighting more and I would cry more. So one day, when I was 8 months pregnant I broke up with him. He was going to move out, but he only put on a charade and never really left. So there we were living together as so-called friends. Truth is I cannot do it financially alone and need a roommate. I really HATE that especially since I use to support myself 100% before my company laid me off. The day I went into labor, I saw the man I fell in love with. He was extremely supportive with me every step of the way. We did take lamaze and he remembered all his training as a coach. But once the baby was out, he became distant again. Instead all his love and affection is on the baby - which I am very happy it is, but I would like at least 10% of that. My son can have the other 90% as he is little and deserves all the love he can get. My ex will practically step on me to get to the baby and I feel he has little regard for my feelings. He just won't talk to me. I have told him how I feel many times but he is just so cold and says he doesn't know what he wants. I have asked him to leave many times again and still he will not go. He says he is there for the baby, but one weekend I left and stayed with my parents and he didn't even call to check on the baby until Sunday night when company was due over to see the baby. So I had to come home and pretend all was well. Before leaving I did write him a letter explaining how I felt and that either he wants to work things out with me or it's time we went our seperate ways. That Sunday I returned, the only reply I got was that he heard what I was saying, and that was all. He says he justs wants to see how we get along first. I don't get it, it sounds like he is buying time, waiting for our tax refund check to arrive. That's sounds shallow but I did think it. Also if he leaves, he really only has his mother's house to go to or get an apartment, and an apartment would cost him more than he is paying me to stay in my house. I can't help feeling used, but he won't talk to me and he won't leave. He is a WONDERFUL father but I refuse to stay together for the sake of my son. My son will be happy if I am happy. But how do I get happy?
