Used or Confused?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Used or Confused?
9
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 7:13pm
There's this guy that I've been flirting with for the past few weeks. Well, last Sunday we finally went out and had a really great time except when he brought up the fact several times that he's dating other people. I got the hint when he told me who it was and where they went. Well, the other day I heard that they're going to prom together, even after he told me he wanted to go with me...hello?! He told a bunch of people he really likes us both, and that he can't decide who he wants to be with. What am I?!

I got really mad at him after all this happened and did not make an effort AT ALL, as opposed to before, to start any kind of conversation with him. He kind of pouted for a while, but now he's trying to eat me up again! I mean heavy on the flirting and compliments!

I really like this guy, and I can't help but flirt back now when he flirts with me. But I don't want to lead myself on. Is he just using me or is he really confused about who he likes? If the latter, how can I convince him I really care about him?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 7:45pm
He doesn't like either of you in terms of admiration and respect...he likes the attention you both give him - he flirts with you both - you both adore and flirt back - he gets attention from both sides of the street - that's what he wants - attention from anybody and everybody.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to:
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 8:19pm
He told you outright that he dates other people. good for him for being honest. Why are you mad? Because of the prom?

Decide if you want to continue to date this guy who dates others or leave if you can't handle that.

'Is he just using me or is he really confused about who he likes?'

How is hw using you if he dates you and tells you that he dates others too? He is not confused. He knows what he wants. It is not about choosing one girl over the other and then being faithful. It is about not wanting to be tied down to one.

'If the latter, how can I convince him I really care about him?'

You convincing him that you care about him is a separate issue from the two of you wanting different things. He can know that you care and also continue to date others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to:
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 2:15pm
IMHO, he is using you and the others to flatter his ego. He is even bragging with his pals that he dates more than a woman?? He broke a promise with you? And then he pouts when you are understandably distant? Now he flirts with you because he wants to be reassured he can have you back whenever he wants. Don't play his ridiculous game.

This guy is immature and unreliable. He may be fun to flirt with, but if I were you i'd find someone else to flirt with and date. Or, flirt with him *and* someone else. Use him as he is using you ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to:
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 2:22pm
Dating at your age is about trying to find out who you are, what quailities you like in other people, what quailities come out in you when you interact with other people. He's dating around, finding out who he likes and why, personality, affection, conversation, attraction..... I don't think he's using you per se, but he's not very considerate of your feelings or the other girl's if he's flirting heavily with both of you.

Flattery and compliements makes us feel good, unless we are strong enough to recognize it as just flirtation, like feeling your way around people and situations. Flattery can get you more informations, more openness, even affection and attention, but it doesn't mean it's always 100% real nor does it mean that it will be continuous.

He may like you both, he may be unsure of his feelings for either of you, but he's young and he's trying to figure it out. So, you have to decide what you want in your life. Someone that flirts with you, but takes another girl to the prom?

Defining your own boundaries for yourself, your behavior and conduct is a way to project your self-worth. Your worth isn't based on whether or not he likes you, flirts with you, takes you to the prom (or someone else) it's based on how you feel about yourself. Personally, I wouldn't try to prove anything to him. He's made a decision about the prom and you don't want to be seen as the person that tries to break them up.

Anyway, I know you are confused and hurt by his behavior, but I hope this helps some.


Carrie

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 5:18pm
Well, now I'm utterly confused. I've got people telling my it's not big deal and people telling me to get out while I can! He still acts like he likes me, yet I got confirmtation from his sister that he is taking that other girl to prom :( Someone told me that the girl is really stuck on herself and does not like me at all. Great. Anyways, someone asked him (without my doing btw) if he would ever consider being my boyfriend and crap and he said yes. I think he's just being pimptastic (that's a great word.) and going after anything with boobs and hair. What do ya'll think? I'm trying to make myself not like him and distance myself just incase. I wouldn't want to break them apart (even though I do not like her) if they started dating. So now what? =\
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to:
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 5:36pm
Everything is still the same. He is still dating other people as he told you. Can you handle that?

If you want a boyfriend look elsewhere.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to:
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 5:37pm
Most high school boys only have one thing on their mind - LOL so yes, boobs and hair from your post probably is right on. You are wise to try to protect your heart. Boys also mature emotional especially, later than girls. Do what you have to do to keep your sanity.


Carrie

Avatar for ariesgirl26
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to:
Sat, 02-14-2004 - 7:45am
I have to agree with everyone yes he wants attention, and wants everything. Basically he wants his pie and eat to. I wouldn't even bother with him, I would look else where because he is basically a waste of your time and you may end up getting more hurt. Trust me Ive been there done that, ive played that game it isn't even worth it. If he continues to flirt with you I would just ignore him, don't even give him the time of day, see how he feels when he has completely lost you because of this. he may not care and he may feel bad about it. Highschool boys are just that BOYS!
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Sat, 02-14-2004 - 3:58pm
Wow, you're not even gonna believe this! We were both at our homecoming dance, and we were just sitting around talking and listening to music...no big deal, I can handle being friends. Well, next thing I know he's playing with my hair and leaning in for a kiss (WHAT THE..?) Well, I was just gonna give him a quick kiss but noooooooooooooo he has to try to gag me with his tongue! I was so grossed out I just stood up and started laughing. It was really quite funny actually! It reminded me of this joke and you guys have to read it out loud to really get it. Here it goes:

There are 3 types of kisses. First, there's the ever-so-polite "peach" kiss. Now say it. "peach!" Second, there's the one that most women like, the "prune" kiss. Now say it. "prunnnnne!" Finally, there's the one that guys like. Are you ready for this? You have to say it with gusto now! "ALPHALPHA!"

lol...ok I'm a dork. But I thought it was cute :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to:
Sat, 02-14-2004 - 5:17pm
So now what? I don't find it hard to believe that he kissed you since he likes you and has asked you out before. What is important is what you think the kiss means and the conversation that happened after the kiss. Did you tell him your feelings?

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