Ruined Valentine's Day?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2004
Ruined Valentine's Day?
7
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 2:54pm
I've been dating a wonderful man for 9 months now. We get along well and he is really loving so naturally I was really excited about our first Valentine's Day.....normally I don't buy into the need to have my love proven on one day, but I was looking forward to cooking him a nice meal and staying in for the night. I knew that he hated the pressure of this day so I was trying to down play it to a casual meal and some romantic fun. Last night he suggested inviting friends over for dinner and this devasted me. I wasn't expecting a big fuss but to have the day dismissed entirely was too much. We fought, he apologized for not realizing how much this meant to me, and have made up. The arguement didn't last long, but today I'm feeling so disappointed that the evening I was planning is ruined. I know he loves me so how do I let this go w/out it becoming a big deal? Please help....I love my relationship and it's really good but I'm hurt that he wasn't wanting to see past his own mood to notice my excitement.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 3:30pm

Listen, I can certainly understand your frustration, you planned a nice romantic day for him and you really wanted to "show" him how much you cared for him on this day.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 3:35pm

Why does the evening have to be "ruined"???

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 5:25pm
Exactly! If you *expect* a man to understand all the fine nuances of your feeling & emotions, you're just setting yourself up for great disappointments! In the end, things worked out your way, so just go with the flow & ENJOY IT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 6:50pm
I can't tell from your post whether the two of you agreed to your casual dinner plan or not. If he had agreed and then decided to let others in on it then I can understand being somewhat frustrated. If not then you can't expect him to read your mind.

Also, is this about more than one day? Do you feel he isn't romantic enough or doesn't go out of his way for you regularly? Does he put work first? Is this an on-going fight?

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 7:04pm
I am interested in the fight. You said it didn't last long and he appologized, but why was there a fight at all? Obviously there was some miscommunication and a couple sentences were needed to clarify, but why did it turn into a fight?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 7:48pm
He's not a mind reader...how could he have known exactly what the day meant to you unless you clearly communicated it to him? It's not his fault for not "seeing past his own mood" it's your fault for assuming that he'd "notice your excitement" rather than just telling him what you were envisioning. It's unfortunate that it had to come to a fight to be communicated to him what you were expecting. Once he knew what was expected of him he was willing to meet those expectations, you just had to tell him what those expectations were. The only one that is going to make the day miserable is yourself...

How do you let it go...stop pointing fingers (because they are being pointed at the wrong peson to begin with) and start holding hands, kiss him, cuddle with him, talk about the day you first met, your first kiss, your dreams for the future, and realize that it's not that he didn't want to spend the day with you, it's that he didn't know that you wanted to spend the day with just him.

Simply put...it's just a case of miscommunication, so take it as a lesson learned and try to verbalize those expectations in the future rather than assuming he can read your mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2004
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 7:48pm
It turned into a fight because I took his disintrest personally. I took his lack of participation as a reflection of his feelings for me. He is truly cynical of this holiday and explained that he just couldn't think of anything to do for me because it felt forced. I told him that it was a cop out of an excuse, because if he is going to claim that he loves me then he should put aside his resentment towards the holiday and realize that I the woman he loves was looking forward to our planned evening. After all I wasn't asking for an exstravagant gift or elaborately planned date...I just wanted dinner and kisses...