stuck in the middle

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
stuck in the middle
2
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 12:12am
I had been seen this women for 5 months, she has a 5 year old daughter. Itall started when she throw a party for her daughter, she had asked if I would help, by picking up the pizza. She said to pick it up by 5:30 pm, and back at the party at 6:00pm. I did just that however by her watch I was 7 minutes late. She snapped, at first I thought she was joking. She was clearly upset I stayed around at the party helping out just the same. It all went well and by the end of the night we happy, and lying in each others arms. The next morning, she had some earns to do, I drove and offered if she wanted to travel to the next town to do the earns their and have a café. With that, she begins to argue and snapped. It was the same thing all over again. I drover her home to her wishes where she yelled and coursed me out. I then drove away. A few days later I phoned and she was soft spoken, until I said the wrong words “are you cooled down, and not cranky any more”, she snapped again this time she said a lot of nasty things, that she hoped I would get sucked into an intake (as I am a jet technician in the air force), after which I stated she was a gold digger, just looking for a guy for Christmas. After which the reply was a bit more yelling by her, and then hung up. I sent some flowers to her work the following week, and called her, we talked , however she was distinct, this lasted for 3 days which she said she didn’t want to be bothered, her feelings had change. That she was hurt by being called a gold digger. I said find I wont bother her anymore. Where as I have not heard from her since. It seems that a lot that she had said to me where items she was reflecting form her own personality. She seems to have had some heavy fights with her parents sister and the father of her child, be for I came into the picture.Through all the fighting i have kept a cool head to the best. All said and done I still have strong feelings for her, and do love her. I don’t believe she means, harm, however I am lost at a decision, and what to do or say?, has she got someone else by now?, is she still interested?, is she waiting for me to say or do something?, or should I wait for her do make the first move?. My friends figure, I should cut my losses, cause I don’t need someone who fights like that. I have never experience yelling or screaming like that, and I am in the military. It has been a month since I last saw her, and 2 weeks since I spoke to her on the phone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 4:02am

why do you wish to punish yourself like this? she is showing you exactly who she is - she is an angry, abusive, controlling person who does not treat you nicely. and you keep going back for more, sending her flowers, etc.


take care of yourself FIRST. love yourself FIRST. if not - you will always end up in abusive situations - in relationships, work, etc. trust me - BTDT big time. i will not tell you to just cut your losses - i will strongly urge you to seek some professional help for yourself, to find out why you would be willing to CONTINUE putting up with abuse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 11:18am
Your friends are right. Can you imagiine living your life like that? She is abusive and even if she realizes where it comes from, she is not doing anything to change is she?

Stop sending her flowers and even talking to her. Find someone who appreciates all that you do.

Yell at me once, shame on you. Yell at me twice, shame on me.

Good luck