I have no idea what to do?

Avatar for ariesgirl26
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
I have no idea what to do?
2
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 11:10am
Hello all i have come to this board many times and have read never posted, now i am finally posting. Well this problem is recent it's been going on for 6 years of my marriage. I have a husband who is controlling, a workaholic, and I don't trust the guy, we have both cheated on each other, we are not best friends, and none of us respects one another. I have been thinking about leaving him for 4 years now. Ive been waiting for the right time, but it hasn't come up. My family doesn't live near me and won't help help me because we don't even talk to each other, i have no friends, I have my husbands family and that is it. we currently have 1 car he has it during the week because he works, I drive it on the weekends to get groceries and other errands done. we do spend time together once in awhile, but it doesn't last long because he says I annoy him. well he is the only person that you ever talk to during the week you don't mea to but you do get clingy. i do have a sister-in-law who lives in NY we do get along but she calls me only when she feels like it, and she has problems of her own as well, she doesn't need mine he marriage is worse then mine is. Lets see I don't work because I am not allowed to, i am not allowed to spend hardly any money but he can, i have no life except my kids. I have 3 children ages 1.5,2, and 6 years old. i tell him everytime we have fights that I hate him, his response is "i don't care if you hate me or not, i don't care what people think of me." and also I want to leave him, but then question still comes up where am i gonna go? I have looked in the phone books on the internet for womens shelters i can't find any at all, I don't even know if there is any in this state, I live in NH by the way. I just don't know what to do anymore, I haven't even mentioned half of the dirst that we have both gone through. he puts me down all the time last night he said I am almost retarded it was over dinner, because he had to cook the dinner, and since I am a women I should be doing it all, but then again he offered to make it. he call me stupid all of the time, he says things ;like it's amazing you can even take care of 3kids, because I can't do anything else right. I feel like he is my father he sure acts like him i got the same thing from my Dad. When bills come up he says for me not to look at his bills, and when I worry about our money he says it's none of my business, i should worry about taking care of things around the house not about paying bills on time, or what he spends our money and all that. i even wonder why he is still with me? I think it's bvecause we have 3 children, and if i left him because I honestly have no job skills, I would have to go on welfare and all of that. he likes his kids more then he likes me, he spends more time with them then he does me. Sometimes i think I am very selfish and I should grateful my husband has a good job (which he does) and I shouldn't complain. i don't know what to do if I did leave I would have nothing, and no where to go at all. I can't live on the streets with three kids. When I did try to leave him before he withdrew all of our money out of the checking account, he left 25.00 in it. So he won't give me any money if I leave until, the courts say he has to. It's a mess. i don't know what to do? Thats all I casn say. One thing I have to say is I hate when women complain about their husbands, yet they have a car, family, friends, can work, go to school, and gets time off from their children and they are still not even happy. i don't get it. thanks for letting me vent.

Jessica

P.S. To save you some time we have been to marraige counseling, but my husband never got anything from it, I did, but we can't afford to go we are waiting for insurance to kick in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 1:20pm
you're in an abusive marriage.

perhaps you could post on the domestic violence boards to get a different perspective on your situation.

i'm really sorry this is your situation but you can make it out if you really want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 1:31pm
Unfortunately, I don't really have much knowledge of resources available for women in an abusive marriage.

The domestic violence board will direct you. If they have a hotline, contact them. I do wish you luck, for all that's worth. Nobody should be in this situation.