need some womenly advice....
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| Tue, 02-17-2004 - 11:07am |
The problem is this, I really would love to pick the relationship up when she returns from the peace corps, a two year commitment at the least. She has openly stated that she wish's she could lock me in a box and open me when she is ready. But the distance thing, both of us have discussed the reality that it is unrealistic to expect either of us to remain sexless for the duration. I feel pretty strongly that it is not that much of an issue for me. I truely love this woman and have had enough relationships to know that finding someone that match's my particular, eccentric list of traits, will be not only difficult, but near to immpossible in the ensuing few years. Two years seems like a much greater time to her than to me, for obvious reasons.
We have talked about all of this, none of it is a surprise to either of us, but I find myself feeling so hurt as she spends time with other men now. I have obvious issues about that, again, we have talked about 'my' issue about that. I guess what i am asking for is advice on how to treat her as she explores other love interests, how do I let her know that it is ok to tell me about those feelings? And actually get her to open up about her WHOLE life again? I miss the intimacy that we shared as I feel her becoming distant and trying to spare me the pain and emotional distress, that is mine to carry right? It is there if she tells me or not, and unbelievable as it may sound, coming from a man, i would feel better KNOWING.
I realize the obvious, I need to get on with MY life. That is why we are in this long distance situation now, prior to her leaving. I was living in her "neck of the woods" for the sole purpose of being near her. And as we were understanding of the difficult time to come, when she leaves the country, it just made things difficult. She worried that she might not go on the posting overseas because of the relationship with me, I worried the same and both of us felt it best to "cool" down a bit. This was something she put in motion before meeting me and should not be put on hold just for a realtionship of a few months, hmm, ok, almost a year now.
again, I would be greatly interested in any advice, especially from women in their 20's, who would share some of her career goals and aspirations. Am I doing the right thing remaining friends when I really want so much more? How do I deal with the feeling that the relationship had become onesided in that area? How do i let her know that i am willing to put aside my own emotional distress in order to maintain the close intimate relationship we have had? We get along so well, it would be such a shame to lose what can be and IS, a fantastic friendship.
Frustrated in LDR... with twists

Sorry for your pain and sorry that I don't have any good advice.
Edited 2/17/2004 2:12:10 PM ET by itwinflame
Carrie
I don't know if I can be of much help, having never been in a real long distance relationship.