He wants me to be in a mental hospital

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
He wants me to be in a mental hospital
3
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 4:47pm
I am only twenty-three and have already had a breakdown. I just spent six days in a mental health hospital and when I was in there he called once and only came to see me twice. When I came home he said " you should have stayed there or let them send you to another one ". Family told me his was looking for anything he could find on our children so that he could take them away from me. I talked to my kids everyday while I was away and they told me their daddy said to them " mommy is gone and she is't coming back to get you, she is never going to get out of the hospital and if she tries they will chain her down ". We are still marrried. He uses my cell phone to talk to other women, they call him late at night. He hangs out alot with his 18 year old friend from school when he is turning 30 this year. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just feel like killing myself every time we fight. Can anyone help....I am on the edge again......
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 4:52pm
Look, this guy isn't how he is because of you or anything you did, didn't do, said, didn't say, or how you look or anything else.

And really, your situation is such that analyzing the why it is like this is irrelevant. You're in a position to lose your children and your personal freedom...and I HAVE SO BEEN THERE.

This isn't enough for you to buckle down, put a lid on your emotions, and get a grip and try to be good enough to please him....this is the time to address your problems head on.

And the first problem is "this marriage" - it's a sham. Go home to your parents, get to a women's shelter...if honestly based on the situation as advised by an attorney - you should leave the kids with him, do it.

If he's got a job, and he's financially stable, and he's not physically abusive to them and he's prepared and able to support and raise them - let him. Because you stand to gain nothing by pursuing custody in your present state - particularly if you're unemployed, undereducated and professionally established, and now you've put yourself into a voluntary incarceration situation that has branded you a little "off" emotionally and mentally.

And do that with the awareness that you're going to interact, to parent, to raise them...and you've got to get your head straight to do it. Not so that you can reunite with him...that shouldn't ever happen very likely. But so that you can establish your independence, get a firm definition of who you are as an individual, what you stand for in terms of values and priorities, and realistically assess what it is you're capable of achieving in this world - and geting on with the process.

I've been where you are....you can't just "do nothing but please him" - you will wind up locked up without hope of freedom whatsoever if you attempt that route.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 5:32pm
In addition to what Erin said I would add, what are you doing for your long-term care? Get rid of your cell phone. See an attorney about your rights - consider hiring a private detective to prove his cheating, if for nothing else your own peace of mind.

Focus on you and your healing. This man is abusive - speaking to his children, does he want them to be messed up too? Even if he gets custody that will cramp his style with other women and he'll either have to step up to the plate or change his life style.

You have to value yourself. You have to want to get it together, seek help and figure out what you want to do and how to get there.

I hope it all works out for you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 5:54pm

When you say that you are still married, do you mean that you are in the process of a divorce?Have you sought counseling?Not only marriage counseling, but if you were in a mental institution, Im assumin you are also or was seeing a psychiatrist?These are things that can help you, you need to concentrate on being strong and gettin gbetter mentally and physically for those children, they are whats important here, u cant lose sight of that, but they need their mother around.


If you are seperated or in the process of a divorce, have