Husband doesn't like me touching him any
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Husband doesn't like me touching him any
| Wed, 02-18-2004 - 5:30pm |
My husband and I have been married for three years, but have been together for six years. Four years ago he was diagnosed with diabetes. I realize this has some affect on sexual drive, however, my husband has a major problem with intimacy with me. It has been almost four years since he has made any sexual initiations, I have been the one to do so. There was a time we didn't have sex for 11 months. After I had our daughter three years ago, things got worse. Yes, I have gained some, weight, but for 42, I don't look bad and most certainly don't look my age, which is good since my husbnad is only 33.My husband is a long haul truck driver and is not home very frequently. When he is home he cringes when I touch him and I have to practically beg him for any kind of sex. He no longer performs oral sex on me, but likes me to do it to him. He kisses me like a sister, rather than a lover. He swears he loves me and he has not nor is having an affair. I know he gets aroused because there is evidence of ejactulate in his clothing when he comes home from watching his porn videos and masturbating. He will do this at least 3 to 4 times in a 1 1/2 to 2 week run, but he can be at home for 3 weeks and not touch me once. I have tried everything I can think of to get him interested me to no avail. What else can I do? This is my third marriage and I am hopelessly in love with my husband. Please, please help me!

If your husband isn't attracted to you any longer, and if he is not even making an effort, he may sooner or later just cheat with someone else. get out before it gets that bad. Just my two cents. If he does not love you, you cannot have him back. I hate to say that, but reading your post this is how I feel.
after to reading your post i have to also agree with gunnercade. however, i do think that if he's masturbating instead of turning to his wife, who is showing him all the green light signs that she's interested in sex, something else is wrong here. i have to question that as well.
can you ask him why he's lost interest in you. ask him to tell you the truth without worrying about whether or not it will offend you. you specifically said that he no longer performs oral sex on you but expects you to perform it on him. what's changed there? some men get freaked out after watching a woman give birth... did he watch that? not that it matters, just wondering cuz SOME men are weird like that.
bottom line, you need to open the lines of communication with him. it doesn't matter if this is your 1st or 3rd marriage although i'm sure that you are feeling that since it's your 3rd marriage, there's something wrong with you. -->> i don't know you so i can't answer that question. have you done some soul searching to figure out why your marriages fail?
just trying to getcha thinking!! this is a great place to come for support.... keep us posted and give us more details cuz without them, it's harder to give you good advice.
hang in there!
I was in a six month relationship with a man who moved in with me after our first month of dating. He was completely and utterly impotent when we met. And disinterested in sex. I tried to help him. We went to doctors. I was loving and supportive. And unlike your husband he tried to have sex with me. Ultimately we prevailed and he started having sex with me. Truth is though I could see that he just did not enjoy it. Was it me??? I started thinking the same thing. But the truth is ... it could not be me. I am not saying that I am the most beautiful woman on earth. I am 36 now and I used to be a runway model in New York. I haven't gained weight since then and I haven't gotten ugly.
My boyfriend ended up leaving me.... even though I know he loved me.
Some people just cant bear the burden of getting close to someone (they are few but they exist). And I can also guarantee you that you do not know everything about your husband. He has kept secrets from you. I am talking about his past. For a young man like him to have a profound problem with intimacy and sex like that.... something at some point went really wrong. (In my boyfriends case he fought in a war in the Balkans for six years and watched all his best friends drop like flies). By the way ... the reason he is doing it with the porn movies and you finding evidence of ejaculation in his pants is because he can have sex with himself ... that does not require any interaction with you. (my boyfriend could only have sex with me from behind... so he would not have to face me and exchange emotions). Weird yes.... indicative of large emotional problems .... yes...).
I know that it is not what you may want to hear. It is not something I wanted to hear either because I loved him and I know that in his screwed up way he loves me too. But an integral part of a loving relationship between a man and a woman is sex and you just can't get away from that. I really miss that and in a way I am glad he left and gave me an opportunity to find that again (even though it hurts).
You have crucified yourself on a cross for this man and you are really suffering. That is so hard. And so unneccesary... Please don't do this to yourself anymore. I did and I just don't want to anymore.
If you need to talk more.... Since we share the same experience...
Write
natozlato@yahoo.com
my name is natalie