Why won't he talk???

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Why won't he talk???
2
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 5:31pm
My husband will not open up to me...he just sits there and says nothing...I can ask him a direct question and he won't answer!!! This just makes me angrier and angrier and then I lose my cool and start rambling on or yelling...I knew something was wrong but then I found out he was having an affair and confronted him and kicked him out...We have a 3 week old son - When I try to talk to him about everything and whether or not we are going to try and save our marriage he still pretty much doesn't talk...I got him to tell me the other woman makes him feel safe and secure but he couldn't elaborate and that right now he feels "LOST" When I ask him if he wants to try and save the marriage he says "Somedays" I never get much if anything from him...he was always a little quieter but nothing like this!!! Even if we do end in divorce- we have a son to raise and need to communicate..How do I go about getting him to open up and share whats going on inside him???

Desiree

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 5:48pm
Counseling, counseling, counseling. Ask him to go for the sake of the child.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 6:28pm
Desiree,

I can understand your upset....his this common behavior for him, meaning has he always been closed mouth?

Sounds to me that the more you ask the more he's going to shutdown, that leave the decision in your hands. The approach you have taken so far has been one he hasn't responded to, so it's time to try something else.

Consider making a counseling appt right now, go with or without him. In the meantime, don't ask him anything, give him some space, and figure out what you want. When you are calm, tell him, I made a counseling appt for X night at X time, I'm inviting you to go with me for our child's sake. (Don't expect an answer and don't say or ask anything else).

When the appt comes, if he's not there you will have your answer.

Reading material:

Divorce Busters by Michelle Weiner-Davis

How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together: Breakthrough Strategies to Resolve Your Conflicts and Reignite Your Love by Sue Ellen Page

Infidelity: A Survival Guide by Don-David

Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from the Pain by Rona Subotnik, Gloria Harris

Straight Talk About Betrayal: A Self-Help Guide for Couples by Donna R. Bellafiore

After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful -- Janis Abrahms

Sorry you have to go through this. You might also try posting on the Betrayed Spouse Support Board here at ivillage.


Carrie