My boyfriends friends love strippers

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
My boyfriends friends love strippers
14
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 11:02am
I am generally a really cool girlfriend, not keeping a tight leash and all, but there is one thing that makes me so mad I feel like I can suddenly become a crazy person when this is mentioned. My boyfriend has a group of about 10 single friends and every now and again they get a private stripper. Now, I don't mind him ever going to a strip CLUB, he hasn't gone to one since I have been dating him (a year), except when we went with a group of people late, after we left a bar, but he's been to two parties in a year where they have a girl come to someone's house and they do bad things to her. He's so honest and I trust him, because he shows me the pictures they take and tells me all the dirty details - and he never gets near her - but it INFURIATES ME!!! Why are his friends so dirty that they do really gross things to these girls and all stand around watching and such - its so gross!!! I don't understand why he goes but he says its to hang out with his friends and that he finds it funny. I tell him how much it bothers me, and he says he won't go next time, but I don't want to tell him he can't do something. Does anyone understand my problem??

 

Tiffany

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 12:23pm
I think it's disgusting. I don't even like the thought of my boyfriend going to a strip club, let alone having a private party! Who wants their man to see another naked woman? I remember when my bf and I went to a concert and these women kept flipping their shirts up flashing people and I got sooo mad if he even glanced over towards them. I wish I could give you advice as to what to do, but if you don't want to tell him that he can't go, then I don't know what you can do. In a perfect world he wouldn't want to go because he would agree that it is completely disgusting... but as I said- that's in a 'perfect' world.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 12:36pm
Atleast yours tells you and SHOWS YOU PICS to boot!

I would give my right arm for that!!! Honesty and trust are key in a relationship and it sounds like you have both! Keeper... especially if he says that he wont go again because you have a problem with it...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 1:14pm
Both of those responses were on the money. Part of me is going God, how could this guy who is so wonderful to me even be in a room with that stuff, like a freakin porno. I tell him that it makes me think differently of him because of the images I have in my head of him in a room with all that going on and its just so disturbing. I've talked to my guy friends and they all kind of laugh at me like I'm overreacting, and these are my friends, not his. Its like this guy thing, where they all act like its not a big deal and girls are crazy so that it can continue to be an accepted thing for girls to have to look past. I just dread the day he has his bachelor party (we just bought a condo) and these friends might have a say in what a "fun" night would be. Sorry to ramble but that's another issue for me, my guy friends will tell me about how at most bachelor parties there are strippers and the grooms will dance with them do things to them, but why isn't this considered cheating, just because there's no sex or oral sex? Its just overwhelming to think at this age bachelor parties will start coming and that's the tradition now.

 

Tiffany

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 1:44pm
What the hell? OK I dont understand this. Whether or not your boy friend touches these strippers makes no difference. Sorry to be blunt and I usually try to be more non judgemental but hes a pig!!! He is at a party watching some slut strip and then watching his disgusting friends do stuff to her? First off, how do you know he hasnt done anyting to her...he is there..thats bad enough. second, your staying with someone who takes part in prostitution..and yeah, standing there watching it to me is taking part....and then takes pictures? What the hell is wrong with you? Dump this sleaze bag. He obviously has no respect for you or your relationship..but I dont blame him because it doesnt sound like you have respect either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 2:00pm
So wait a second here. These girls aren't 'just stripping'?!? These guys are doing stuff to her and she is doing stuff to them??? Oh my goodness.....

I think I may have misunderstood the original post. I just assumed she was giving lapdances and stuff. Are these guys or any of these girls getting like.. 'sexually satisfied' at these parties??


Edited 2/20/2004 2:02:55 PM ET by jap524

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 2:41pm
They get dollar bills out of her and stuff like that. If anyone who has a boyfriend and thinks he's never been to a bachelor party or will, or one or says he wouldn't stand for it, you're lying to yourself.

 

Tiffany

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 2:44pm
I would prefer to get advice, not insults. For anyone who is actually reading these to help or understand for themselves I think this person said it pretty good:

Hey there! I completely understand where your coming from. I used to be soooooo jealous of strip clubs, pornographic pictures, waitresses, etc. I never really understood why because I happen to find myself to be a very attractive person on the inside and out. Until one day it came to me...the guys that I had been dating had all done things to break my trust when it came to other women and therefore I reacted with burning jealousy. I met my ex fiancee and all of that changed. He was a looker, liked to look at women, go to strip clubs, and watch and look at porn but he was NEVER sneaky about it. That's where everything changed. I think it's great that your guy tells you that a stripper is going to be in attendance before his venturing out. Imagine how enraged you would be if you found out he had been to a party with a stripper but didn't tell you first? A lot of guys wont! However, there's a fine line he should be careful not to cross...if these parties become more and more frequent then he should opt out if he knows how much it eats at you. That's just a respect issue. Hey, have you and the girls ever thought about having a little swaray yourselves and possibly hiring a hot stud to make you ladies swoon? Maybe you should consider it. What it boils down to is trust. I think that if he's open about it and tells you whats going on and doesn't keep you in the dark your in a positive spot. But, he does need to be sensitive to your feelings in the same regard.

 

Tiffany

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 3:08pm
"If anyone who has a boyfriend and thinks he's never been to a bachelor party or will, or one or says he wouldn't stand for it, you're lying to yourself."

My sister married one of these guys... As a matter of fact, his brother is the same way. That's just the way they were raised. They wouldn't be caught dead in a stripclub. My brother-in-law went to a baseball game with friends and drank some beers for his bachelor party. Just because you've never met such a man, doesn't mean he doesn't exist.

In regards to your last post, please keep in mind that when you post on a message board, you will get a wide range of opinions and it's possible that you will not agree with some of them. That's why their 'opinions'. Take from them what you wish.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 4:06pm
I agree with you. My ex was driven to the block in Baltimore for his bachelor party, and he requested he be driven back home and never got out. That is how he was raised as well.

P.

Pam

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 5:14pm
IMO if you think all men are cut from the same cloth YOU are lying to yourself. Not all men frequent stripclubs and not all men's friends frequent strip clubs. Just like not all men are into porn, ogling women on the street, and the list goes on. Not all men are the same. Personally I think it's sad that you actually believe they are (unless you just tell yourself that to feel better). Take care.

Pages