hooters

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
hooters
5
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 1:12pm
Ok, here's the short of it...I'm mad, jealous and just generally in a bad mood because of this. My husband started about a year ago going to "Hooters" all the time and spending a whole pile of money, he would stay out half the night and come home drunk. During this time he got to know the waitresses there by name and when he goes in they all give him big hugs and just act like he's wonderful and they've known him forever. I've never had a problem with being jealous or going to "Hooters", I used to go often with him until he hugged on one of them one night in front of me and that was it. Now I go without because believe it or not "I" really do like the food. Now it's like everytime I turn around there is something new with Hooters plastered on it, the latest is the one that really hurt me. His birthday I wanted us to do something or even with the kids and he acted like it was no big deal. Well, guess who he did decide to share his birthday with...yep you guessed it. Now (and I don't know for how long) he has a Hooters calendar on the sunvisor of his truck with the pictures so that he can see them real good. I'm sorry but this bothers me and it really pisses me off that it bothers me. It just makes me feel like I'm not good enough. He's always carried pictures of me around and when we first got together he never would have done anything like this, he was so wonderful. If I say anything about it bothering me or hurting me, he starts defending the Hooters girls, like I care how they feel. Sorry it's so long, but I really need to know if I'm being stupid about this? We've had major fights in regards to this and it's not changing, I've made alot of changes in the way I act, dress etc.. and he still does this. What do I do?

Thanks,
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
In reply to: imama1968
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 2:08pm
Oh no, that hurts me just reading it! Haha. Well, first of all, he needs to realize that the waitresses act like they're best buds so that they make their living. Maybe now that he is married and settled down, he enjoys the affirmation of other women, even if its to make a profit off of him, so that he feels like he's still on top of his game so to speak. I understand how a lot of us females think; they have a Maxim magazine subscription, with perfect women in them, so how much harder can I workout till I finally look like them at the beach? You want to be the hot girl they'd check out at the bar, not the "ball and chain" ever. You've definitely exhausted the "cool spouse" route by going and acting like it doesn't bother you and dressing differently, etc. This obviously isn't the option that'll work in the end if it hasn't already. What I might do if I were in that situation, which is hard to judge because I don't have children yet, I would have more get togethers, inviting his friends, your friends, etc and making a fun time with you instead and showing that you laugh, flirt and can be as bubbly at the girls who lavish so much attention on him - though not being untrue to yourself, making sure you're enjoying that time as well.

 

Tiffany

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: imama1968
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 2:22pm
How sad that he needs his ego boosted by their attention and friendliness, instead of getting it from his marriage. If their attention is real and not just about getting good tips, then I'd worry about a possible affair if not right now, in the near future.

My advice is to talk to him, tell him how you feel AND find a way to bring up marriage counseling because his behavior is inappropriate in my opinion. If he wants to act single, he may as well be single.

Yikes. Sorry you have to go through this.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
In reply to: imama1968
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 2:41pm
You're right, this is probably more serious. If this continues you just have to know that this isn't something you did or didn't do. You just have to trust that he needs a wake up call and a marriage counselor might just be that, if he acts like you're overreacting or being overly jealous. Its easier to give advice to girlfriends, but when you are married with children, there is far more at stake with his inappropriate behavior than having parties I suppose. He seems so involved in a scenario that isn't reality, which is his life with you, his wife, he's not a bachelor anymore - by HIS choice. I know guys who would go every now and again and look at girls and eat wings, but it never encompassed even 1/100 of their life or thoughts.

 

Tiffany

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
In reply to: imama1968
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 2:44pm
No, you are not being stupid about this..no your not over reacting. He is doing something that is immature and disrespectful...and the worst thing is, he knows it upsets you. You need to put your foot down on this issue. If he doest want to hear that I suggest you try therapy.....I know that seems to be a suggestion many people seem to just throw out there but you need to learn how to stand up for what you feel is right with him, and he needs to learn how to respect you and your marriage, which he certainly isnt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: imama1968
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 4:17pm
I am sorry you are going through this and that you feel you have to change the way you dress, etc to try to please him. The fact is that he is seeking an ego boost from women who are paid to pay attention to him and other men. That is how they get repeat customers and make their money. I ahev never been to a Hooters but I assume it is a couple of steps down from a topless bar.

Tell him again how the calendars and time spent their make you feel. Tell him it is time to get counseling and if he says no then that will tell you a lot about how he feel about the marriage and how much effort he is willing to make for you, the children and the marriage.