Is he cheating???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Is he cheating???
3
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 1:50pm
Well, me and my bf have been together for 9 months. We are doing really great. Like all relationships theres ups and downs. The other day at work one of my co-workers told me that she heard he was trying to get all over some other girl at a party. Me and my co-worker get along pretty good. She came into work with another friend. Her friend also told me the same thing and that he slept in the same bed as her. I was working all night so I wouldn't know. my co-workers friend said she was there at the party and saw the whole thing. I confronted him and he said he wasn't there and said he was at a friends house then went over to his brothers for a party. I called his friend to see if my bf told him where he was going when he left his house. He told me that he was going to "Linda's party". Then I called his brother to see if my bf was actually there that night. By the way this happened a week ago. His brother said he can't remember. No one that I ask about where he was that night can remember. I know that he has not cheated on me but hearing this made me worry. My bf told me that I should believe him because he didn't do it. I want to call the girl he supposedly slept with. Please help me, should I worry or just forget about what other people are saying?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 2:19pm
I would tell him that you do believe him but that you also don't want to be sitting there looking like a fool. Ask him what he would do in your situation. Then tell him that two different people are saying he did this, but there isn't anyone there to backup his story because no one 'remembers'. Then tell him that you have no reason not to trust him, but that you don't want to look like an idiot that will believe anything anyone says. I say call the girl, but that's just my opinion. If you don't find out, it will just eat at you. Good luck, and I hope it was a case of mistaken identity.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 2:21pm
This exact thing happened to me a long long time ago with my first love (who taught me so many lessons in the 6 yrs of "second chances" I gave him). Of course his brother and friends won't be able to remember. No one wants to feel his wrath if they tell you the truth. A friend of my ex told me what my bf had done, because he was a good guy and felt I could do better than his friend, and they ended up never speaking again. I'm not saying he cheated on you, but he is definitely having to hold back if he goes as far as to sleep in a bed with another girl. You are rationalizing it the way I did, but if this weren't you in this predicament, reading it as someone else's, you would be thinking something entirely different. I think I almost gave myself an ulcer after the first time something like that happened in our relationship, because I would always have alterior motives when talking to his friends, trying to catch him in lies, etc. Its so much stress. If you let it slide this first time, make sure not to alienate those who keep you informed by making them feel if they tell you anything you'll run and rat them out, trust me, they will be allies in helping you gather evidence if he continues to give you reasons why he isn't doing "right" by you (sleeping in a bed with another girl - crazy talk). The girls at work have no reason to ever lie about what they saw, but his friends do.

 

Tiffany

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 7:50pm
Is he cheating??? More than likely---yes. If he's not cheated yet; he's got his eye on someone, and he's thinking about it. Thinking about it is only one step away from doing it. The only thing he's waiting for (if he hasn't cheated already) is the opportunity without getting caught. Ask him how he would feel if the circumstances were reversed, and he had heard these things about you. Watch his eye movements when you ask this question. If he answers too quickly, he's hiding something. It's usually a sign of guilt when he answers quickly because he's avoiding the situation---he wants this conversation over with quick!