Can this be salvaged?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
Can this be salvaged?
3
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 7:01pm
I think I may have unintentionally blown off a guy after our fourth date and I'm afraid he believes that I may have placed him in the friendship category. How can I fix this and let him know that I would like to go out with him again? Is it true that it is the woman who sets the tone of a potential relationship. Well, I have discovered that I have a problem starting relationships. Actually, I'm really afraid to be in one since I was badly burned in my last long term relationship and it could be the very reason why I don't give the guys a clear signal that I am still interested in furthering things along. I'm also rusty from dating scene since I have been out of the dating loop for a few years. These are a few things that I still need to work on.

With this guy, I would like to try harder because I do like him a lot. Our last date started off great and towards the end of the date, I think I was a bit aloof. I was a little quiet and I couldn't really look him in the eyes as we talked. I think I was afraid that he was losing interest in me while I was talking to him. When he dropped me off, we were both a little nervous. I waited for him to say something to see how he was going to set the tone, but before I knew it, I sort of dashed out of his car and told him "I'll talk to you later". I tried making up for it by sending him an email thanking him for taking me out to dinner and it was good seeing him again. A week later, I had tickets to this event and I asked him if he would be interesed but he told me he was busy that particular evening and couldn't attend. He didn't counter offer a time we can see each other again.

I called him another week later to say hi and we had a nice talk for about 20 minutes. He asked me if I would like to join him in some contest and I immediately said yes. He sounded surprised when I said yes. Then, I told him I couldn't right away because I was busy with my studies, but will definitely join him in another contest after my studies are over. I haven't heard from him since and that was almost two weeks ago. Any advice is much appreciated. I really like this guy but i'm afraid I may have blown it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 4:43pm
Sounds like you are both reading each other wrong....though while you said yes to the contest, you still said no, as you put if off until later. So he's still not sure what to make of your words not matching your actions.

I don't know how to fix this. Sorry.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 4:56pm
Thanks for answering my post. I see what you mean by 'my words not matching my actions'. I have to keep this in mind if I ever get another chance with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 6:28am
Sounds like you have trouble expressing feelings of affection. I say, learn from your experiences and move on. You could call him and state exactly what happened that night if you're really interested in this guy, otherwise, there are millions of other potential dates out there.