partner past
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partner past
| Wed, 03-31-2004 - 4:29am |
I am really in mess. I am from Poland, Europe and I met a girl during my stay in USA. It all happened in a very special way, how me met, how it went, the time we had was great. I felt she is the one, but i never told her that. When my visa ended and I went home I told her i will come back and asked to wait for me. I am smart guy, i achieved many things on my own, but i am pathetic in love, i cant deal with it and i am helpless. She is 18 i am 23 years old. She is a very smart girl, top of the class, has lots of life wisdom, i know she went through hard times, her parents are divorced, she told me she took care of the family when there was bad times. She has 2 sisters, they both dont work, one has a child grown up without a father, which she wanted, she did it on puropse. she dont take care of the baby, so my girl take care of it the most. I think she is the one except her mother who seems to be strong woman, who takes care of the whole family.What I can say about her is that she is very good person, strong, she went through much. I really admire her, she is the first person in my life i do admire.I love her so much that I could do anything for her, I hired a lawer, spend LOTS of money to get back to usa. I worked to the limit, saved all of my money, just to be with her and to be happy. I lived a life probably she cant imagine and also any american who isnt an immigrant wont know.I made it i will get my visa. I had very hard times but we kept email contact everyday. When I was frustrated she gave me good word, she is very positive and very strong. I am very weak in relationships. What i wont understand is that she never tried to help me, i mean she could get some visa information, try to help me somewhat, i am polish, she is american, ok i did it on my own, but that makes me to think, why ? she could do much. She works and goes to school. We had plans to live together, rent a hous and be happy. First we planned that if i dont get visa she will come to me for some months, i got a very good job in poland, i could pay for everything i said she can come and see europe for longer than week when she visited me before, she can be months. So we agreed that she come, she was saying she save some money and come here, she should only save for a flight and misc, which is not much. Lastly, things went bad, when we were so close to be together. The emails get shorter, she told me she have a friend, who is 34, divorced, bussiness owner. She said he is really very nice and caring. Before she alos said that she meets some creeps that try to pick her up and give her proposals. Maybe he is taking care of her, be me as a man i dont belive in that. every guy want sex. I never accepted any diffrent guys, i am jealous, and she is a very social person, has lots of friends, hugs, kissess everybody, she is part latin. I know when we were together she tried as much as she can not to make me jeaous. With time i understood I cant be that jealous and worry that much beacuse i can lose her. I told her about it and that I am working on it, I said it on my own. I wrote I accept this guy being her friend and said that we can go fishing sometime, i showed a will to be buddies with him, although i dont know him and i dont know if i like him, i dont know if he is good person or bad. I know my girlfriend is very good person so i trust her and she is not in troubles. She told she had no money to come to me and she will start saving and come to me in the end of summer, now i got my visa i will be able to go to usa, i told it to her but she didnt congrat me, didnt seem to be happy. i am sure something is going on she is diffrent. she thinks about me and life or something is going on. i mean i did everything to be together work 100% having no fun, she probably had fun, spend the money she should save. I told her that what she has done is a matter of priority if she wanted to be with me she would do anything to come, i did that. But she is very social and i think she can live without people, i can, although i like people very much but i love her ... i just need her. Than recently, she told me she hit a point in life she knows what she want to do in her life. Before i know she wanted to be with me but we didnt make big plans, once even i never thought about it, being at friends, and they sugguested that we can get married, she said she wouldnt do that, that hurt me although I really wasnt planning it, I remember I always plan to get married as late as possible. So right now she, wrote me that she hit a point in life, she knows what to do. She told me she has done lots of thinking, then she wrote me that what she wants right now is getting married and finding 100% compatibile person. Then she said, she have to tell me something. I see my girlfriend as a angel, innocent woman, goddess, something above everything for whom i could do anything. I never asked about her past, i realized ther is some, i accepted it, without knowing it, I always hate to know this, if i could i would wiped them all, i see them as not worthy my girlfriend. So when i had girls in poland, i had good girls, i always get great persons, they had some boyfriends which they loved but it was based upon love. i dealt with it, since it the same i do. i fall in love, have sex but sometimes relationship dont go. i feel bad with one night stand.Right now I am facing a very bad for me situation which hurts me very bad, she told me when she started sexlife, 15, how many partners she had, what drugs she took, it was much everything except crack and lots of others. she made sex with a girl, she said she had biggest crush on her. she said she was like a water with men. i started sex at the age of 21, i loved the person. that i have 2 more girls in relationships and 2 random. i am a very good looking man but i cant have sex with the person i dont love. i just feel bad. she is pretty for me, because i see her as a person, though i know i wasnt that much physically atracted, the girls i had in poland were beautifull, bad there were no sparks, no love. now she is everything for me, i love her as she looks and as she is. i just cant stand that past and i am being scared that i will never accept that, i think she see sex and sexlife diffrent. i mean having sex at 15, than through 3 year sleeping with diffrent people from her age to mid 30. I cant see life without her, when we had some problems and i write some stuff that worries me because i am sometimes negative, she once said ok, we can go seperate ways, and then she said in the she loves me, in the same email. i could never said that, how easy she made that, i meant she told that she realize could love more than one person in her lifetime. before this past thing i wasnt never able to break with her, no matter what she would do, i would tolerate everything except cheating, she is very independent, she want to live her life, i had hard time but i understood it's good for us both, i learnt much being in relationship with her, i dealt with jealousy, her independence. i am willing to change in some things.i dont tolerate drugs and sex just for sex. i think she changed, i appreciate she was so true to me, which i am all the time, i wrote her first my relationships past. this news got my depressed i could handle it and in first minute i read i wrote her like this i never accept that and i cant be happy with her, i wished her good luck and fulfilling. i wrote i see our relations as never see nerver hear. but the same day in the night i didnt managed, i am right now in italy far away from poland, since 2 months, i work here i dont know italian and i feel lonely, i see very pretty girls but they dont intrest me, i could have sex with them but i dont want to destroy our relationship, she is everything i had, this information killed me. so i wrote her messages, than i feel very bad, i cant eat, cant sleep, i asked her for help. than i asked her rows of questions, if she ever chated on me during we were not in one place, as i read her past i realised she experience much of sex, diffrent people diffrent races, drugs ... right now she meets probably with the same people. she told me once she visited in poland she is very good girl, she was with me for a week, after 3 months of being apart.this what i heard is so diffren what i know when i was getting to know her. i would never ever expect that. it was a shock for me. i am from poland and i am a good man, i could never do things like that, though there are women and men in poland who do the same. i was raised in very good family i am a very sensitive guy. i look at my girlfirend as the last one and only. i think somebody has to do much much much bad for me to break, i accept people and try to foregive. but i cant dealt with my girlfriend having sex with that guys. i see her as innocent.what should i do, i am still waiting for her answers, i think if she says she chated on me it will be over. i dont want to lose her, how can i deal with the past. i see my life pointless without her, i survived something similiar but it was much lighter, in this relationship i gave my all and what happens right now hurts me VERY VERY VERY much.i am not sure i will for real accept her past, i could come to that in quarells and fights, say that she was sluty or something. we never talked about her past, i think she is feeling bad for it, but she decided to tell me.i know right now we are apart, i remember when we were together is was NEARLY perfect. maybe i shoud forget about everything, go there and start evertyhing from the beginning and see if it works.i really care about her.what are your advices. thanks for any help.I need somebody to talk and give some opinions and advices.
How can I deal with her past ? Any good ideas ? Please advise I need that.

However, the problem I see, is that she has a 30+ male friend - she's drawn to his security probably and his attention. I'm not sure she's ready to be in a long-term committed relationship. I think she has a lot of growing up to do.
Other problem, you both have different values, morals, and probably will have some cultural issues as well later on in the relationship.
Sorry you have to go through this.
Carrie