'little' lies = toxic?
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| Wed, 03-31-2004 - 8:55pm |
are 'white' lies toxic? husband has told 'white' lies when his company or family were going to require him to give $ +/or time & he thought I may not like it.
should I not stay married?
i know a lot of women have much worse husbands but does that mean it's wise for me to stay?
no children involved (for this reason -in part).
i've seen that people w/ character flaws can turn one's life into a nightmare. is that likely if my husband tells lies? right now it's only been lies about things that won't ruin my life- but if he's willing to lie to my face... (especially when it was more to save him inconvenience of talking to me rather than he 'had' to .. & no one ever has to lie, right?
help me please. i don't want to put my friends in the middle but i want to know if anyone would actually leave a husband over this.
seems silly to end a marriage over 'little' lies but am i just setting myself up?
help. please... kat

Katrina
Lying is something that is either justified or not by the values that people hold. Situations are the stage on which we play out our values.
So when situations arise wehre he had the option to be honest or lie...and he lies...it's because he wants to for his own reasons and his values justify his lies.
People often want to believe that if "X" % of danger, or importance were involved - the person "wouldn't lie" even thought if it "of no relevance" they have no problem telling lies.
Completely incorrect...a liar lies because they want to, their values justify it, and the situation that they're in simply enables it.
You don't control situations....you don't control life. Life with a liar means that you're constantly monitoring, attempting to control or regulate "the situations that they're in" - so that if htey lie to you it will be about "nothing important" because everything of relevance and importance to you - you've taken care of yourself per your own tandards, specifications, efforts, adn finances so that they "can't lie to you about something so important that you're forced to leave".
The approach fails.....that is people who believe that "situations are what cause people to do what they do"...rather than the realization that "values justify waht people in and situations are the stage on which their values are played out."
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com