i need to get over this... help

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
i need to get over this... help
6
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 10:28pm
i have a boyfriend... a great boyfriend who i love very much and would do anything for. He spoils me to no end. we have been having great sex for alost 6 months now and i am willing to do anything but evertime he asks me to get on top i can't. i freeze. it's really becoming an issue b/c i can't do it unless i am in his car. i know crazy. I really need to get over this. i dunno why i get incredibly insecure and scared( i feel like there''s no way i am going to do it right). It's crazy b/c i am a very sexy and cofident woman. i have no problems other than this and it's begining tomake things a little difficult, for me in terms of esteem. we were doing it on tues and once he asked me to get on top i just couldn't it really killed the moment for botrh of us, to the point where neither of us could perform. i dunno wat to do to get over this. pls help.

Leidy101@yahoo.com, NYJLeidy101@aol.com or post here... just give me advice pls.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 6:23am
Come back with a real problem.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 7:57am
Okay, so what muchado2 said was a bit rude. (Sorry dude, not trying to be mean but it was). Try not to let that get to you. (He's obviously a guy cause only a girl -or a VERY understanding male- would understand that it CAN be a bit stressful and on some levels embarrassing. I've found that most guys don't realize that or why...not there fault though, there's some things that they feel this way on that we don't understand either. I mean to a girl it's like your putting yourself out there for the world to see (figure of speech) and your not "protected" by being on the bottom/underneath anymore (or surrounded by a closed in car...hey, I did it too hahaha). What your experiencing must be a "real problem" or you wouldn't have posted. Anyway, I really don't have any suggestions other than...have you ever tried it? (I mean with anyone else?) If you haven't then there you go...it's hard to try something new and your probably just a little reluctant because you never have before. I was like that for a while myself but once I finally did it I LOVED it. I personally just had to get over being "shy" I guess. Trust that your boyfriend IS NOT going to gawk and critique you. He's just wanting to try something new that could possibly be very pleasurable for the both of you. I mean he has been very patient and understanding for 6 months now and he doesn't just "throw" you up there, he's courteous enough to ask 1st so obviously he's understanding that it's awkward for you. TRUST HIM. Try it and see if you like it. You never know, it may be the best sex you've ever had! If not then I’m sure he’ll understand. Good luck and hope it helps... :-)


Edited 4/2/2004 9:00 am ET ET by sweetnopichick
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 9:28am
Hi,

First I can't believe that Muchado person said that to you. Wow, that was really not cool at all.Anyway, I totally understand your issue. I find myself having the same problem. My bf is very giving in the bedroom. We both are. I can do anything else he likes to please him but I get so freaked out when he asks me to get on top.I think it's because I feel like when I'm on top the spotlight is on me and I have to now "perform". I don't like that feeling at all.As a result I begin to think too much about what I'm doing and where my hands should be and how fast and how slow and then I get nervous if I think he's watching me. The thing that helps me is that I realize that most of the time when I'm on top his eyes are closed and he's just relaxing and enjoying what I'm doing. He's not staring at me and critiqing me at all. Maybe that would help you too. Try and turn it into like a little game if you can. When you get on top tell him you want him to close his eyes. Maybe that will help atleast until you become more comfortable. At this point I still get nervous at first but then I really get into it and when he wants to switch positions I tell him "Nah, I wanna stay here a little bit longer:)!"

Good Luck!!Hope this helps!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 3:41pm
OK, I guess I got blasted a few times on my "insensitivity". I think I'm suffering from a relativity issue, where I'm thinking that I might need a divorce and others are worried about what I think barely hits the radar screen as a problem. If you were with me, I would either spend a lot of time in the car or I would wait until you were totally comfortable with the situation, which might be never. Do what makes you feel good, after all, isn't that what the whole exercise is about?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 7:14pm
I hope I'm way wrong, but incidences like that can be reflective of childhood sexual abuse. If you are freezing and absolutely cannot do it in just one particular position and specific locations. I hope I misinterpreted of course.

Best,

Cheyenne

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 1:16am
Is it because you feel exposed? Vulnerable? Aggressive? Would you consider doing it with the lights off? You have to figure out the issue this is bringing up for you.


Carrie