R there any new rules to dating in 04'??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
R there any new rules to dating in 04'??
4
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 3:32pm
The past 2 years have been hard for me. My ex-fiance called the wedding off 4 months before the wedding(after 6yrs of dating),my sister who I'm very close to moved 6 hrs. away,I had 2 deaths in my family in 1 month, and in a way lost my best friend of 12yrs. Finally I'm getting my life back on track & my self esteem is 100% better. My bestfriend & I are starting to communicate again.

I'm finally getting over the whole depression/ex thing. The only problem is since I've been out of the dating scene for about 8 yrs.I kind of in a way forgot how to date, flirt,or even act on a date. I was always comfortable w/my ex. We had mutual friends and seen each other at our worst times and best times. Now I feel as if I kind of have to put on an act whenever I meet a new guy. Whether its to impress him or just to get him interested. (At first I'm shy but once i get to know you I warm up quickly). After some blinddates & experiencing the worst dates I can ever imagine I finally met a sweet, attractive guy(who in return I think is also interested in me).

He lives 6 hrs away,has 2 kids,& is going through a divorce...(He doesn't live @ home with his wife but he does spend alot of time with his kids. I've known him for about 4months and hes friends w/my cousins and sister.We just started talk on a daily basis for about 1 month. I visit my sister and cousins about 2x a month for the weekend. When i do visit I always see this guy and hang out w/him the whole time I'm visiting...We speak everynite while hes @ work even after work average time is 3-4 hrs. We never speak during the day b/c hes w/the kids(every now & than we do text each other). Now my issue is when we do talk the conversation is non-stop. Whenever we end our coversation, he always asks me to call him the next day. Should I always be the one to call him, even if he did ask me?(His job is mostly dealing w/people over the phone. In a way I do see why it would be easier for me to call him). He made plans to come and visit me in a few weeks. We even have plans as to what we'll be doing while hes here. So its not like I'm the one chasing him and finding a way to keep in contact w/him. The only thing that bothers me is him asking me to CALL him all the time. Am I just being paranoid?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 4:07pm

I'd be very leery of getting involved with a man who isn't divorced yet and who wants to talk on the phone for 3-4 hours a night!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 7:38pm
Thank you for your OPINION, but I really don't think you read my situation correctly.

I did say that when I do speak to him hes @ work....So how did you understand this as his wife can actually answer the phone when I do call? I also said "He doesn't live @ home with his wife but he does spend alot of time with his kids". As for him being a loser cause hes on the phone ,can you explain WHY???

How did you get the title for being an expert? If I've written to you 2x in the past. Both of the situations had nothing to do with one other. You've been giving me negative replies both times you've answered me. When someone else gave me their opinion you then answered me in a positive way.


ELENA

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 8:08pm

Hey, I'm just sharing my opinion which you are free to disregard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 9:17pm
you spend 3-4 hours a day on the phone while he's at work? I would think that his bosse would NOT appreciate that kind of use of company time. Are you not also at work during this time? How is that impacting your work performance?

Also, many men who want to keep their marital status a secret will only talk during the day while at work or on a cell phone. Its even easier when you do not live in the same city. From what you've said, I would be extremely skeptical about any future. For one thing - he's still married. YOur likelihood of a successful relationship with him is very low. You can choose to believe whatever you want about that fact - but the truth is what it is. Refusing to believe it doesn't change it.

As far as advice on dating, there are a number of good books on dating that you may benefit from reading and a few that will help you with your self esteem:

Self Matters

Mars & Venus on a Date

Men Like Women Who Like themselves

If you have to 'pretend' to be someone you are not, then you are selling yourself very short. No wonder you are defensive about this guy and your choices about him. If you doubt what you have to offer, all you will attract are the wrong men. Work on improving your feelings bout yourself and understanding what it is you want in a relationship.

Toni