Cheap boyfriend!!! :o(
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Cheap boyfriend!!! :o(
| Sun, 04-04-2004 - 8:21am |
My boyfriend braggs all the time about the money he makes and I used to make more than him up until recently. Lately its been bugging me. Maybe its because I have always gotten the impression that he is stingy with his money? He is very cheap and never goes out of his way to buy me anything. We split everything 50/50 and sometimes we argue over who pays what. We are kind of the same way because I am frugal and I like to save money. We live together but I have an expensive car that I pay for and his grandmother bought him his car and pays his car insurance. One time I asked him to buy me a soda at the gas station and he expected me to pay him back right away and it made me angry. I just feel like he never does nice things for me anymore. He used to buy me flowers and pay a lot when we would go out to dinner (before we moved in). Now its the complete opposite. I am not asking for him to spoil me. We are both saving for a house so that eventually we could get married and buy one together. Lately our relationship has been rocky and its all because of money (funny huh? the root of all evil). I guess I've always had the assumption that men should be willing to fork out more money for stuff and show his appreciation to a woman by taking her out to dinner, buying her flowers, taking her places etc. I go out of my way to do stuff for him. Like the other night I spent money at the grociery store and made him a nice salmon dinner and bought a nice bottle of wine. I feel underappreciated like he is just out to make more and more money for himself but doesn't contribute anything to our relationship. It is our 2 year anniversary and he says he doesn't have any money right now (even though he is making more and he has 10,000 in his savings) to get me a gift and that it is not necessary anyway because we are not married. What do you guys think of this. Maybe I am jealouse because all the other girls I know that live with their bf's are treated differently. Like this one girl I know got a beatifull tiffany bracelette for valentines day and all I got was a bag with a big bar of handmade soap and a candle ( and this was after I reminded him that it was valentines day). I just feel like I'm with this cheap, selfish boyfriend......Should I talk to him abot this?

I think you are encouraging his cheapness by agreeing to split everything 50/50. this is more of a friend/roommate situation than lovers. I would guess that you still have separate accounts and nothing shared for household expenses? There are lots of opinions RE shared expenses - I likethe one where you each contribute a set percentage based on your incomes. Therefore, one of you is not actually contributing a larger portion of your takehome pay than the other.
Now, there is nothing wrong with being frugal - I dated a frugal man for a while and he was quite generous with me because he wanted to. It sounds as if your guy is saying that you are not worht it to him. He likely has very little to give of himself and it is translating as monetary things. Is he also stingy with his affection?
Don't for a minute make this your fault by saying you are being jealous of others. You are feeling a lack of warmth and generosity that should be part of a healthy and loving relationship. When you marry him, it will be worse. You may have to account for every penny you spend and get lectured about spending $1.50 on something silly. Time to ask yourself some hard questions: Is this behavior something you can accept? Is it something you two can negotiate? Is the overall quality of your relationship good enough to compensate? If not, you may need to leave and find someone who has no problem giving and sharing.
Best wishes to you
Toni
Just some thoughts... Good luck!
Well I agree, I think in terms of shared expenses a percentage of the income works better than simply 50/50, but less also not forget that she used to make more money than him, and things were still 50/50 and that wasn't such a problem then.
IMO, it isn't about the expenses, splitting it 50/50 if you both make basically the same amount of money seems appropriate to me.
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
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My personal experience is that cheap people also tend to be stingy with their affections as well - they value money more than loving relationships, IMO, and are very materialistic, never wanting to feel indebted to another. They do not give because they do not know how to receive. Frugal people recognize the value of money and material things but know that it is a means to an end, not the end itself.
I do agree that not feeling loved or appreciated is key here. If he shows love and affection easily enough, then it is possible that a frank discussion about this could result in a win win situation. If he is stingy there as well, then reassessing the relationship would be in order. I just didn't get that this was the case in the original post.
Toni